guilty as hell...

[jdean81]

hi to all the bros here,

Sorry I know that I cannot post in other forums for 2 days but i really need to get this out of my chest.

I'm a newbie to the bonking scene and had my first experience last night. Now i'm feeling guilty like hell and hope to get some listening ears here so i can feel a little better.

Last night my best friend broke up with his gf and he asked me out to drink beer. We then went down to Lip Disco in Geylang to have a drink. After some beer, we were a little light headed, went to 7-11 to buy Okamoto Ultra Light and went to walk around L8-L18 to look at ladies.

In a moment of lust and without using my brains, I walked into L18, H38 and saw this really hot Thai girl with big @@ (Girl no. 7 for those interested ) She was extremely friendly and even let me take a bite on snack she was eating. We showered together for hygiene purposes and she even offered Listerine to me to wash my mouth (i requested her to do it also).

Both of us went up the bed, we kissed a little bit and she lie there and ask me to lick her (she says she finds me good looking and wants me to lick her...say not everyone can do it, she only allow certain people she likes to lick) In a spur of moment (but still a little sane), I licked her a bit with the tip of my tongue (no latex protection on her) and fingered her at the same time. After that, she helped me put on my Okamoto Ultra Thin (now a little scared that she accidentally tore it when she use her nails to put on the condom for me) and gave me a blowjob. Later she put some lubricant on her pussy and i went on to bonk her a few times in a few different positions. Finally i came and I washed up and left to meet my friend at Shell.

Now that i woke up, i'm feeling guilty as hell. I'm worried i might contract some bloody STD from:

1. the little bit of licking that i gave her.
2. the Okamoto condom that might have a little hole (i'm not sure whether got tear with her nails when she put it on me)
3. the kissing and,
4. the snack that she was eating and she let me take a bite.

i have a gf that i love a lot whom i have a very healthy sex life with. Now, i feel guilty like hell because i know i cannot reverse time and undo what i have done. I already feel the strain of what i have done and it's causing me to keep thinking whether i might have contracted HIV from this one experience. I dare not have sex with my gf now 'cause i'm afraid that i will pass some virus to her. And this is going to be a serious problem because we both have sex very regularly. I'm feeling really, really upset and depressed right now :(

samster bros, what should i do? go for testing?

[john teo]

i I dare not have sex with my gf now 'cause i'm afraid that i will pass some virus to her. And this is going to be a serious problem because we both have sex very regularly. I'm feeling really, really upset and depressed right now :(

samster bros, what should i do? go for testing?

hi. you are just feeling guilty for what you have done.no way you can reverse it. if its just what you described, chances is slim unless she is infected. meantime, pray to god and hope for the best. i will be praying for you too. smile. :cool: welcome to the real world.

[jdean81]

thanks for your kind words and support brother john, i really appreciate it. I'm going to be in living hell for the next 12 weeks until i go for the test at DSC.

she says she's in Singapore for only 3 weeks. sigh, what are the odds man? will i get infected with any virus from the little bit of lick job i gave? what's the % chance?

[GLer]

hi buddy, my advice is to forget about it and carry on with your life. As we all have this kind of guilt before, but we shouldnt keep on thinking about it making our life miserable. As i heard from a doctor, HIV may be in your body and only reveal many years later. So no point keep thinking about it, whats done cannt be un-done, no point crying over split milk. Just dont take such riskes in future.

[jdean81]

thanks for your kind words bro GLer. But you say HIV takes many years to show itself? Now i even more scared and upset. For few mins of fun i give myself so much agony for so long, it's totally not worth it...although i used to think it would be fun to sleep with different women, now i feel that the agony, guilt and anxiety is not worth it...

[jdean81]

even if the testing at DSC says -ve, the HIV may still reside in the body???

p.s. if any moderator bro sees this thread, can you help me move this thread to sexual health issues? I hope to post this thread in that forum...thanks in advance

[tittyhawk]

1. the little bit of licking that i gave her.
Provided u don't have mouth ucler or any torn membranes in ur mouth cavity or tongue.
2. the Okamoto condom that might have a little hole (i'm not sure whether got tear with her nails when she put it on me)
Now this one is a bit risky. Torn condom means that ur dick head has come into contact with her pussy juices and in the thrusts that u whack ur dick head into the pleasure hole, your fluids and hers already mixed., much less the the nail which torned the condom.
3. the kissing and,
Look at the reply on No.1
4. the snack that she was eating and she let me take a bite.
Minimum risk or none...

samster bros, what should i do? go for testing?
I think you shld wait for a month or two for HIV testing. For STD, you may go now if your mind can't be at ease.
Just sharing wat I know..and take care.

[sammyboyfor]

samster bros, what should i do? go for testing?

The risk of HIV is very low based on the scenario you described.

However, the risk of other STDs such as Herpes, Hep B etc is probably a bit higher.

Do a net search for "oral sex dangers". There is tons of info on the web.

eg http://www.uhs.uga.edu/sexualhealth/oral_sex.html

[jdean81]

The risk of HIV is very low based on the scenario you described.

However, the risk of other STDs such as Herpes, Hep B etc is probably a bit higher.

Do a net search for "oral sex dangers". There is tons of info on the web.

eg http://www.uhs.uga.edu/sexualhealth/oral_sex.html

Thank you for your words of support boss...really appreciate it in my depressing period now...i have always coming to this forum as a guest but this is first time i register myself as member to post...really glad all the samster bros are so supportive..

for those still cheonging the scene, play safe and always take care of your body...the emotional hell is not easy...i really pray that im all clean...now is an agonising 2-3 months wait before i go for DSC test....i think i will feel even worse waiting for the results...

[jdean81]

I think you shld wait for a month or two for HIV testing. For STD, you may go now if your mind can't be at ease.
Just sharing wat I know..and take care.


Hi bro tittyhawk, are there other tests that i can take to confirm i am 100% clean from all STDs? HIV test must wait 3 months but i hope to take some other tests to make myself feel at least 50% better.

Can give some guidance? it will make me feel a little better...today is one of the most terrible days of my life...the guilt, confusion and the anxiety is taking a big toll on me....

[tittyhawk]

Hi bro tittyhawk, are there other tests that i can take to confirm i am 100% clean from all STDs? HIV test must wait 3 months but i hope to take some other tests to make myself feel at least 50% better.

Can give some guidance? it will make me feel a little better...today is one of the most terrible days of my life...the guilt, confusion and the anxiety is taking a big toll on me....
Yo bro, most GP clinic do general STD test. However, if wan also can go DSC for those specific STD test as well. If cost is not a concern, can also go hospitals in SG to have specific STD test done.

[Rof|maoxz]

Thank you for your words of support boss...really appreciate it in my depressing period now...i have always coming to this forum as a guest but this is first time i register myself as member to post...really glad all the samster bros are so supportive..

for those still cheonging the scene, play safe and always take care of your body...the emotional hell is not easy...i really pray that im all clean...now is an agonising 2-3 months wait before i go for DSC test....i think i will feel even worse waiting for the results...

You register as member just for words of support? :rolleyes: Where's your close friends & the other bonk buddy? Just ask yourself this Q? Will you quit casual sex assuming your HIV/Syphilis or other STDs tests are cleared? If you are having the mentality of "fuck and worried later" den I think you are doomed. Chances are you will get "it" sooner or later.

I really hope this is your "miscalulated misadventure" or "honest mistake". If you just need word of assurance, the chances of infection is minimal provided that you wore your condom properly and was not torn that night. :cool:

[jdean81]

Yo bro, most GP clinic do general STD test. However, if wan also can go DSC for those specific STD test as well. If cost is not a concern, can also go hospitals in SG to have specific STD test done.

thanks bro tittyhawk....roughly how long should i wait before i take the STD test to be safe? I know HIV at DSC is 3 months but how about STD?

also, roughly how much in total if i want to check all STD tests? hope u can give me some guidance to a depressed bro here...thanks...

[jdean81]

I really hope this is your "miscalulated misadventure" or "honest mistake". If you just need word of assurance, the chances of infection is minimal provided that you wore your condom properly and was not torn that night. :cool:

Hi bro Rofi, this time is really miscalculated misadventure...those spur of moment fun that u do finish, wake up and regret...i think my condom was not torn last night...quite confident as i did a visual check after i remove it..only scared that the torn is so small beyond visual check..i'm most worried about the little bit of lick job that i gave the WL...dunno whether will kena syphillis or HIV...it's only been a day but i feel so, so depressed...not sure if any bro out there got same feeling right now...this is those one time thing that make u bloody regret when u finish doing...

never in my life will i ever sleep with anyone else besides my gf/wife...the 20 mins thrill is not worth the bloody 3-6 months of no sleep and worry and guilt :(

for the bros out there who unfortunately got STD or HIV, did most of you get it from unprotected sex or some also kena with protection? FL or WL mostly? Anyone can share some experiences so the rest can take note when bonking....hope my thread can help make others in my situation feel better...

[jdean81]

the only good thing i got out from all this shit is that i realise how much my gf, friends and family mean to me, how impt they are to me and i shouldn't do nonsense things to jeopadise all the good things in my life.....for the bonking bros out there, hope you can appreciate the greater things in your life and play safe.....

[Rof|maoxz]

for the bros out there who unfortunately got STD or HIV, did most of you get it from unprotected sex or some also kena with protection? FL or WL mostly? Anyone can share some experiences so the rest can take note when bonking....hope my thread can help make others in my situation feel better...

You can always refer back to Sexual Health Issues (http://forum.sammyboy.com/forumdisplay.php?f=5), tons of infos and experiences there. :)

[tittyhawk]

the only good thing i got out from all this shit is that i realise how much my gf, friends and family mean to me, how impt they are to .....
Glad u realize that...family is the most important part in our lives...
we mus cherish n luv them dearly...

[popiah]

the only good thing i got out from all this shit is that i realise how much my gf, friends and family mean to me, how impt they are to me and i shouldn't do nonsense things to jeopadise all the good things in my life.....for the bonking bros out there, hope you can appreciate the greater things in your life and play safe.....

hi bro,

well said....you forgotten something....

MONEY AND MAKAN.....also very important in the whole reality life.

signoff
money popiah

[jdean81]

hi bro,

well said....you forgotten something....

MONEY AND MAKAN.....also very important in the whole reality life.


Haha! i agree with ya, money and makan very impt too :D

[jdean81]

Glad u realize that...family is the most important part in our lives...
we mus cherish n luv them dearly...

thanks bro tittyhawk...hope every bro out there will think the same way and take care of themselves and their families...if not not only hurt themselves but also the people around them....take care fellow bros!

I will prob stick around this forum permanently...hope i can contribute a way or two....for now, really like to thank bro sammboyfor, tittyhawk, Rof|maoxz, john teo, Gler, popiah and daneman for your words of support...thanks!!!

[GLer]

family is impt, do remember if u wanna play, play safe :)

By the way this is the info abt AIDS:

Q. Why in some cases a person who is infected with the HIV virus does not develop AIDS for many years?

A. Once the HIV virus enters the body, it begins to replicate and destroy the white cells (CD4 cells) and once the CD4 drops to a certain value a person then has entered the stage we consider as AIDS.

[DehOne]

I will prob stick around this forum permanently...hope i can contribute a way or two....for now, really like to thank bro sammboyfor, tittyhawk, Rof|maoxz, john teo, Gler, popiah and daneman for your words of support...thanks!!!

As has been mentioned, IF what happened was exactly the way that you described, your chances of getting HIV are very low.

However, you mentioned in the last para of your original post that you love your gf very much and feel "guilty as hell" about betraying her. I believe that this is the most important topic of this thread.

Please note that I am NOT judging you or anybody else. We all have to make our own decisions about whether to cheong or not if we have a gf or wife. It is up to our own conscience. But you seem to be having problems with yours (conscience that is). You feel in your own words, "guilty as hell". So you have a serious decision to make. It sounds like you are considering continuing on cheonging and that is your decision to make. However, you also value your relationship with your gf.

IF you do decide to remain faithful, you really do have to 'flee from temptation'. No more drinking with a heartbroken friend in Geylang. (You must have suspected something was going to happen when you drank there, right? There are plenty of pubs in town where you won't face such easy temptation.)

I am sorry to say (and I hope I don't get any points deducted for saying this) that you will have to reconsider visiting this forum. Because, when you read some of the great FRs here, you are gonna be tempted to just go 'look-see'. So, sooner or later you'll find yourself wandering around PC/PPC/JSP, Geylang etc to just 'look-see' at the WLs there. You may have absolutely no intention of taking up any offers that come your way BUT you WILL be tempted. And as a guy, you will almost inevitably succumb to that tempation someday.

So, maybe you'll 'experiment' by visiting one of the TNs. Perhaps you deliberately pick an older lady to massage you so that 'you will be less likely to be tempted to try anything more'. And the first time you stay strong and refuse any offer - even of a HJ. But the next time you go, (and you will go again) you may ask yourself why not? After all you wank yourself sometimes, so what's so wrong with getting some 'relief' from the TN gal - after all, she needs the money... soon, you start asking for a BJ and then... I think you see how it goes...

I know this all too well because this is the pattern I myself fell into. And it is VERY difficult to break out of it again once you have started. I sure that many Samsters here will testify to that.

As I said the start of this rather long-winded essay, you have decision to make. I repeat that I am making no judgement here. It is up to you to decide what is right or wrong for YOU.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

[superfreak]

bro dehone, i believe those are some good advices...
thanks for that...

a tip for those who cannot control is to PCC as often as u feel slight urge.

of coz PCC no feel as shiok as doing witha real girl, but honestly, whenever urge for GL comes, no matter HOWWWWWWW horny u are, just PCC one or two time, CONFIRM u will again realize luckily u PCC instead of going straight down to GL...

Cheap, free, fast, no headache abt STD, HIV.

Not as shiok as the real thing, but after u cum, it feels the same : Relief, and can concentrate on other thing coz not so horny liao.

I have begun trying out my regular PCC session to help me save $$, be healthy (std etc), and concentrate on my work.

[sammyboyfor]

bro dehone, i believe those are some good advices...



Should be "...some good ADVICE".

There is no such word as "advices" in normal English usage.