Story of a burned soul.

[Lowell]

I posted this thread..."How many of us have been burned by China Women" some time before. And I also posted my story. For those brothers who are interested...here it is...with an update on the next thread.


And here is my very own tale of woe.

She's a waitress whom I met some time ago last year. Saw her, chatted with her, enjoyed talking to her, bought her a couple of drinks.

Turned up at her place more often after that, she seems nice. Very concerned, lovely voice. Started to like her.

Time went by, she told me she didn't have a boyfriend. So I told her that I liked her and that would she mind me courting her? She said "only time will tell". So I thought, I really like her so I'll give it a shot.

Not much to tell, went down more and more. Did my best to take care of her.
Would slip her some money from time to time. Not much tho, whatever spare change i had. Try to send her home etc. Wait for her to finish work.

I did buy her a handphone, because she told me that it was spoilt.

After a while, things started (or so they seemed) to get better. She became more responsive. We went out for dinner a few times. We started holding hands. And I was hoping that things would get better, because I genuinely had feelings for her.

To me, money is not an issue. I'm fortunate to have a very well-paying job.

And then first I got a punch to the stomach so hard that all the wind was knocked out of me. She introduced me to a few friends, who seemed to like me. One evening, there was this new guy there. Something was wrong I felt.

The next day I called her, and she told me that she's actually married (!) That was the punch to the stomach. She told me she's separated. Fine and good, I've been out with separated women before.

Then came the next hook to the head. That new guy? her boyfriend.

I was gutted brothers. I was gutted. I was simply rendered speechless. I did not know what the fuck to do. Every gamut of emotion? I went through it. I was sad, angry, hurt, frustrated. I told myself "ENOUGH!"

But did I learn my lesson, no i didn't. Not one single bit.

She went back to China and came back after a month. She messaged me asking "how I was" I replied "I'm all right." Immediately all the feelings came back. I should have just ignored her bloody message.

Instead, I agreed to meet her. We talked for a bit, I had too much to drink and I poured everything out to her. She told me a little more about herself. So I figured...what the hell...I'll try again.

For the past 2 months, I have only had 3-4 hours sleep per night. Every night I am with her, sending her home. After a time, she became more responsive. She would message me, asking me where I was. And fool that I am, I went down running to her. And I get up early. Every day at 7.30 a.m.

I don't really know what to make of her. She obviously cares for me, we've shared tears together, kissed, cuddled. I can see that she enjoys spending time with me. She doesn't allow me to overspend.

Her friends tell me that she can't just break up with her first boyfriend, she doesn't have the heart. She is also having other problems, which she is very unwilling to share with me.

Yet I am unwilling to give her up. I told myself...I will do this with my eyes open, as I have invested a lot of time, a lot of emotion and a lot of feelings into this relationship. Whatever time I can spend with her I will, and I bear no ill-will towards that.

She has told me to wait for her till next year.

The problem is that I don't know what the hell is going on. And it frustrates the fuck out of me. For that matter, I don't allow it to affect my work. I still get my shit done.

But I don't know how long I can last. I am trying to take it easy, not to think so much, but so many images run through my brain that I do not know what to think. But i guess i love her, so I'll see it through to the bitter end.

And let me tell you guys. It hurts. It hurts so bad that sometimes death seems to be preferable. But yet I soldier on. Until the day i drop.

So let this be a warning from a poor benighted soul who has reached his wits end. If you can end it fast, end it fast. Else you will end up like me.

Take care my brothers.




A few weeks have passed and my story continues.

[sg_boytoy]

Bro Lowell, Friday already, take it easy man, look forward to your evening happy hour bro :)

[hunter89]

No wonder your signature is so fierce.....
I believe your signature is meant for her???

[Lowell]

Well, as i promised...here's my update. Its not a nice story to read.....so just ignore it if you want to.


I promised her I'd try. And honestly I did. I knew that I had a lot to put up with. But everytime, I'd tell myself to be patient. I'm not an easygoing fellow....I'm sensitive and I tend to have a very active imagination, but for her...well...I was willing to do what I could.

Anyway....the routine continued. I would still wait for her until her work ended. Then we'd share a cuddle on the way back to her place. Waiting 4 hours just to see her for 15 minutes. How fucked up can one get? But nevermind...all I had was sincerity right? I'd try.There were times where she did not work. I thought I'd ask her out. One situation went like this. I called her at 7:30 p.m. She said she'd call me later. I knew she was fucking going out with her other boyfriend, but nevermind. Even if I have to wait to see her I will.

So I pottered about the office......and did whatever I could. At 12:30 a.m. she messages me...sorry I can't meet you. WHAT IN THE NAME OF FUCKING ARSE?!! I wait for 5 bloody hours..and this is what I get.

I pack up my stuff and go home, telling myself that its all right, everything will be ok..don't think so much....

Its not the only incident either. There was once I waited 12 hours just to see her for half an hour. I keep telling myself its ok. I hope to convince her with my sincerity.

As I was soon to find out, all this was going to come crashing down on my head.



I will be back later brothers...to complete this tale.(Edited for font size and a couple of typographical errors)

[dondonboy]

Lowell, I hope you are fine and clear headed now.
I can't help but feel heartache when I hear of your situation. It was so similar to my own experience, about 3 years ago... It was such a huge drag on my sanity level....

[file69]

Bro Lowell, will not attemp to give you words of comfort or anything like that, but i believe if you read your own posting, you know what needs to be done. If got cancer , cut the bugger. Move on bro!

[nismo88]

As I was soon to find out, all this was going to come crashing down on my head.[/SIZE]
Wa bro.... so u have been thru so much agony...
no wonder sometimes see u so agitated leh...

take care Bro.....

[CNNcmg]

Lowell bro,

I think you know what you need to do and have to do....
But sometimes the head just dun listen and we act with our heart.
Been there, done that.....

The longer the r/s, the harder it is for the heart to let go....
At the end of it, still needs to be decisive.

If you do not hear from her, that would be easier...
Change ur hp nos?

[VBScripts]

Bro. Lowell, you have a very strong sentiment by nature. I can understand how you feel. Anyway, whatever it happened just let it passes. It may take sometime to heal your wound. Take life easy that’s not the end of the road yet. Look forward to the brighter side.

[durex]

Bro Lowell, Friday already, take it easy man, look forward to your evening happy hour bro :)
Yup bro Lowell is friday liao,enjoy your week end and fullfill your little bro urge got more prc out there waiting for you :p

[tionggoklan]

Bro Lowell,

Not trying to rub salt into yr wound, but still have to say this: WAKE UP LAH!!

In my opinion, it doesn't matter if the gal do feel for u or not, but the fact that she is taking u for granted, or worse, for a fool! Sori if i sounded rude but it's the truth. To have a guy who can accept her seeing (or even bedding) other guy n still treat her like a queen, y should she give him up?

Like the saying goes: 天涯何处无芳草？So why torture yrself like that? I know u like her alot, but what's the point if this selfless love is onli 1-sided? From what u have written, my guess is that u r still quite young (juz a guess hor, dun mind), so u feel so miserable over this matter.

This is part n parcel of growing up n many of us have gone thru these heart-shattering pain to become more seasoned ( or even immune). I'm speaking from experience, trust me, juz relax yrself, get into the wild mood (since weekend cuming n u said $$ no prob to u), go out n have sum good fuck, be it to enjoy or to let out yr frustration, then later think abt it again, then maybe u can see the whole pic from another angle.

Now the world is like this (dun mean i like it that way), but gals r more materialistic n very seldom u can find 1 that will do anything for love (like in the good old days of our parents or grandparents), so u also need to control yrself as to be able to withdraw yrself from the relationship when u need to.

Sori , too long winded liao. Juz boh chap abit n enjoy life, ok?

[Castrol]

Bro. Lowell, you have a very strong sentiment by nature. I can understand how you feel.

wont you please play a song, a sentimental song, for my sentimental friend, over there... :)

[tionggoklan]

wont you please play a song, a sentimental song, for my sentimental friend, over there... :)

Hey Bro,

Talking abt sentimental song, I tink there is 1 chinese song that quite describe the feeling/situation Bro Lowell going thru now, its 爱那么重 by 巫启贤, heard before?

[oakleyeug]

Dear Bro Lowell,

I think I can feel ur pain and suffering, but do not despair. I think this is just a lesson that we have to pass through in life, 英雄难过美人关 (heros that die in a women traps).

Relax think about the efforts properly, if you cannot salvage it then fuck it. I know it is hard to do what you preach but try if not then live the way you choose.

I really feel much better now that is why I can afford to write all these messages to you. Take care if you need I will be goin back to Singapore on Nov maybe we can go out for a beer.

Oak

[Lowell]

back to my tale...

well, things went on. the stuff i have done i'm not sure anyone would. There was one saturday. She'd agreed to go out with me to dinner. "A proper date at last" I booked 3 friggin restaurants, all top-tier ones, not knowing which one she'd like. Got the flowers. etc.

At 7:30 she calls. "Sorry I can't make it. I have to meet you later. Hope you understand." Jesus H Christ! What can I say......"oh ok". She's fucking going out with the other guy. And I am a bloody fool. But yet I feel she is worth it, and I wait.

Another bloody 7:30 to 11:30 pm wait. Is it worth the pain? I don't know...but I was still hanging on.

And so it continued. In my mind, I am better than her boyfriend. I friggin earn my salary, I friggin work like a dog (yeah I'm paid very well, but i sweat for it) and I take the time out to company her to send her home. I don't care much about rest..I just do whatever I can to keep her happy and to keep her safe.

She has kept many secrets from me. Which I don't ask, because i figure that I should trust her. Which I have.

Just last week..the normal routine continued. I waited for her, sent her home. The next day she calls me up in tears and refuses to see me. I am worried. What the fuck has happened. She doesn't call me till the next day, and I rush down to see her, worried and angry.

Gist of the conversation is this. Her boyfriend saw me and her behaving intimately...hugging..kissing...etc. Blew up. Not sure what the fuck he said to her or what she said to him, but it seemed that he was going to give her the choice between me and him. So he asked for 3 months.....he would not stop her from going out with me. But...he did not want to see us intimate. So she told me, we still can go out but we can't hug because he doesn't like it. If not, I should stop seeing her until next year.

WELL FUCK HIM! I WILL BE DAMNED IN HELL FOREVER IF I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THE WORDS OF ANOTHER GUY!

I couldn't do it. It goes against my nature. Know this about me. I am a Scorpio. And a very proud one at that. Everything you read about Scorpio applies to me. I ain't kidding you brothers. I can be your best friend, but I can be your worst enemy. I have held grudges for more than 10 years. There are people whom I've sworn to destroy that think I'm a good friend of theirs. I bite when I'm pushed to the wall.

And I am successful commercially. That is something I am very proud of because I come from a poor family, and yet I have been able to make something of myself. I own my own condominium, and I have money in the bank (don't drive because I drink a lot)

Yet for her, I submerged myself, and my true nature because I love her. (Note that I am still using the present tense). It is typical of me. Towards the people I love, I do not care to be the person I am commercially.

But yet... I couldn't do it. And I said I wouldn't see her anymore. I gave her a last hug. And I made my way back home.

Gentlemen, I have kept my promise. Till today I have not seen her. The mental suffering has been immense. You just don't stop loving someone. You just don't stop being with someone.

[Lowell]

And my final instalment on the tale:

Aye, I didn't want to see her. I mean I did, but i didn't break my promise. But I would send her a message from time to time to see how she was.

Took a call from her yesterday. She seemed all right. Me? I was stumbling around in a blur. Somehow picked up a bottle of Jacks, and ended up at East Coast where we shared our first kiss. At the breakwater.

I was just sitting there, reviewing my situation...and slowly drinking. I was just thinking "all the pain I've been through, i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy"

For all brothers who have been hurt before....when it cuts, its like a knife blow through your heart. The pain that you feel mentally, emotionally, you wish you were dead. I have hurt myself, just to take my mind away from that emotional pain. The physical pain, at least I can handle it.

Yeah...stupid...but in that emotional state...I could not help it. At least all I did was punch the wall. I have a couple of ruined knuckles now to show for it..

Suddenly the chest pain came. I ain't kidding you brothers, i thought I was done for. It came like a hammer blow to the chest. and from a sitting position, I collapsed on the breakwater.

Frankly, I thought it was the end. I sent a couple of messages to her, sent one to my brother (my parents aren't in town) and I think I passed out. In that state, I really didn't care. I didn't expect to wake up in the morning.

Thankfully, I did. When I got up, I was flat out on my back, in the same position when I had collapsed. Surprisingly, my phone, my wallet, everything was still around. I figured it must have been exhaustion which knocked me out. My body had finally had enough...and thankfully it wasn't worse.

I got to the doctor, and he diagnosed me with severe mental exhaustion. He knows my story and sympathises with me. He's not going to put me on anti-depressants, but he's going to monitor me for a while.

And here I am telling my story to all my brothers.

Where do I go from here, I am not sure. I have actually done many investigations on my own initiative and I have found out many things, some of which are very sensitive in nature. I can use this information, for good or for worse. What should I do? I am of two minds about it.

But know this. There are not many people who can safely say "I have been to hell and back" I am one of those people. I have seen the face of the devil. I have experienced torment like nothing ever before. And I have survived.

Do I still love her? Yes I do. What is going to happen in the future? I know not. But I have kept my promise. I have lived through the pain and the suffering. And I have learned.

To all my brothers out there, please do not make the same mistake I have made. The pain is not worth it. It is still there, although I am trying to manage it. Time will tell if I am successful.

Live long and prosper.

Lowell

[nismo88]

Live long and prosper.[/SIZE]

Lowell[/SIZE][/COLOR]
Bro Lowell.....
I admire yr courage to go thru all this....
dun think i can even manage half of what u been thru...
Honest...

Cheers to u...... n hope u do well in time to come too....

[addielow]

Pls takecare bro. ;)