Marriage First or Career First?

[hitnrunn]

Scenario

Recent years, I often bump into an ex secondary school classmate during weekend window shopping. She was (& still is) the nerdy girl that nobody will ever notice her existence. The very 1st time I saw her after 15 years, we do have chemistry for each though eye contact; love at 1st sight. Later, she opens a Facebook & added me.

Right now, we always hinted our feelings for each other through eye contact & Facebook post. But we have not PM each other in Facebook or physically talk to each other.

Myself

I came from a broken home & used to be poverty sicken. In my belief, I will only consider marriage when I’m filthy rich because I’m fear of poverty. Moreover, I’m an independent person who never thought of having a girlfriend or getting married.

I don’t look for FB but I used to look for WL. As age passes, my kick for WL or sex fades completely. But I used to be very kinky in my sexual advances; not sure how a decent wife will react. I’ll not practice sex before marriage in a relationship. I’m not looking for a pass time relationship.

I’m not gay but I’m a typically shy person with ladies (especially in non-business talk). I never have any female friends before.

Questions

I have not reached my lifelong filthy rich target yet. Should I make my move on her (or let her make her move, which won’t happen)? Will proposing straight away frighten her? I’m actually afraid to communicate with girl; any pointers on how to behave, talk, do, don’t etc during courtship?

[Kuan Aik Hong]

Career first...Marriage is just a contract . Man has zero benefits for marriage . Is just our culture of family oriented . Government has to promote family and birth just for economic sake . If everyone shys away from marriage mankind will be extinct . Anyway in developed countries marriage and birth rate are trending lower now because of feminism and high cost .

[AUDITH]

Moreover, I’m an independent person who never thought of having a girlfriend or getting married.

Perhaps it’s time to adjust yourself; I hope this 2 article helps you.

The Smarter And More Independent You Are, The Harder It Is To Find Love:
http://elitedaily.com/dating/smarter-independent-hard-love/1262556/

WHY HIGHLY INTELLIGENT PEOPLE STRUGGLE TO FIND LOVE:
http://iheartintelligence.com/2016/01/12/intelligent-people-find-love/

[newlywedbride]

I don’t look for FB but I used to look for WL. As age passes, my kick for WL or sex fades completely. But I used to be very kinky in my sexual advances; not sure how a decent wife will react. I’ll not practice sex before marriage in a relationship. I’m not looking for a pass time relationship.

I’m one such nerdy girl. Sex is a natural thing that operates by body language; just like love & chemistry. Unless you are engaging in life threatening acts which will traumatize the girl. Therefore, don’t worry & let nature take its course after marriage.

Sex is a secret between two couples which glorify marriage & kids are the fruits of love.

[Triple70]

I dun think TS is anywhere near ready for marriage.
Focus on career first and concurrently try to understand women phychology.

The womens charter act is not a small matter. Any rational person will not agree to such terms.

[hitnrunn]

Is it possible to have a permanent girlfriend for companionship (no sex involve) & stay single forever or perhaps ROM 10 or 20 years later?

[topcook1]

Is it possible to have a permanent girlfriend for companionship (no sex involve) & stay single forever or perhaps ROM 10 or 20 years later?

Impossible...Her parents and friends will pester her. Woman always dream on wearing the wedding gown .

[Hurricane88]

Questions

I have not reached my lifelong filthy rich target yet. Should I make my move on her (or let her make her move, which won’t happen)? Will proposing straight away frighten her? I’m actually afraid to communicate with girl; any pointers on how to behave, talk, do, don’t etc during courtship?

Simple...let her love you deeply...she will makes things easy when she loves you more than you love her...marriage is just matter of time after that...:)

[hitnrunn]

Impossible...Her parents and friends will pester her. Woman always dream on wearing the wedding gown .

Both of us are not are not so young or not so old. Perhaps this may work?

Simple...let her love you deeply...she will makes things easy when she loves you more than you love her...marriage is just matter of time after that...:)

How to provide deep love (non-sexual or no lavish spending) to a lady? I have nil experience on this.

[throwmyselfaway]

I think every couple is different, no two individuals are the same. For me, non-sexual and non-lavish, we just needed to spend time together, it can even be silent, both reading our own books or whatever. It depends on both your personalities, maybe you need more time to get to know each other better.

IMO relationships can never sustain on love alone, you need understanding and compromise. Take your time to know someone and their quirks before committing, and take note of things that put you off, even if they are "small".

The hardest rocks will also crack under the constant trickling of water.

[archer69]

TS you will never be a filthy rich. You will never experience to love the girl u like before as you are afraid to get out of your shell. Being rich does not guarantee you could have a happy marriage.

[Captainoceania77]

TS you will never be a filthy rich. You will never experience to love the girl u like before as you are afraid to get out of your shell. Being rich does not guarantee you could have a happy marriage.

In 20 to 30 years later wonder will you say the same again......lol

[Blackcloud]

How to provide deep love (non-sexual or no lavish spending) to a lady? I have nil experience on this.

By showing her genuine concern for her well being . Be a gentleman . Always remember it is better for the other party to love you more than you love her .

[Ngengheng]

Career will always be first. No money No Honey.

[Greendevil]

TS neither career or marriage first. in SBF, SEX come first lol

[Pickering]

Sex comes first

[newlywedbride]

possible if she a LESBIAN, or is married with a cockold husband or someone who isnt easily jealous etc....

but yeah if both you guys are in ur 40's, then probably companionship is more important, the only issue is external pressure for her to marry....

Lesbian won’t be interested to have a bf; unless the guy is a xdresser or a ladyboy. The FB guy of a cuckold hubby’s hotwife is known a bull & not a bf in cuckold lifestyle. Only a handful of ladies have high sex drive. Therefore most ladies are never interested in sex.

WP’s MP Sylvia Lim too has a bf for companionship.

[Lessname]

Well say bro

[ironmaiden2015]

Waseh.. you in SBF leh.. so you must have been a pro in sex liau.. If you find ML/FL often, I suggest just focus on your career ba.. dont let her disappointed.. unless youre willing to quit the ML/FL adventure for good.. So far, 10 out of 10 friends said will quit but all fail...

[joncheong]

let's not talk about visiting WLs which you are tired of now...once you have a well-established career with some money to spare and lavish on girls...trust me...colleagues can easily become fbs or female acquaintances...you can have the time of your life...and reach 40 already then start to look for a late 20s lady to marry...ideal ain't it?

[hitnrunn]

Anybody believes in chemistry & love at first sight? Preferably to hear from ladies.

[porscheclub]

TS, manage your social skills first. You sound like an introvert so make more friends of both sexes so you can understand females more and they can be difficult. Otherwise, you'll end up with a divorce if u jump into marriage blind.

Women are not attracted to shy guys because they look for security which means confidence without attitude. Money is secondary and dump those who look up to you for money because they will never be satisfied by your wealth and often flee during troubles.

I encourage pre-marital sex because this will deal with both expectations & go a long way, you will be surprised that some women dump men because of their "short-comings"! So, it's not always the men doing the selection now.

Just chat her up and know her better cos she may not be the one even if there's sparks flying.

[Harvest]

In today's modern society, financial foundation is more important if you want to have a stress-free marriage (or as least stressful as possible). According to research, the top cause of marriage breakdown is communication problems. But to me the real cause is the lack of financial resources from the man. Asian men are still expected to be the main breadwinners. When you do not have sufficient financial resources, you have less bargaining power. And it is made worse if your significant other has a higher earning power than you. Your male ego gets crushed and your confidence is lost. And if you are introverted, you find it hard to swallow your pride and share your problems with her. That leads to.... communication problems!! ;)

[AUDITH]

70% of young Singaporeans are saying 'no' to marriage - Are you one of them?:

http://women.asiaone.com/women/relationships/70-young-singaporeans-are-saying-no-marriage-are-you-one-them?utm_campaign=Echobox&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook&link_time=1458791076#xtor=CS1-2

[AppleCoke]

In Singapore context, career first.

[MobileSuits]

In Singapore you need to spend $$$ to date a gal. Then you need to spend more $$$ to get married. After getting married, you need to spend much more $$$ to sustain the marriage. All this comes with a heavy price tag to pay for having a wife, sex (not really free after all), house, baby, kids education etc. Can you see yourself in earning all these $$$ for a marriage life in the society of Singapore?

[Graz]

Career first definitely. Any woman, especially if she is local, who tells you money not that important and all that is talking rubbish.

[topcook1]

In Singapore you need to spend $$$ to date a gal. Then you need to spend more $$$ to get married. After getting married, you need to spend much more $$$ to sustain the marriage. All this comes with a heavy price tag to pay for having a wife, sex (not really free after all), house, baby, kids education etc. Can you see yourself in earning all these $$$ for a marriage life in the society of Singapore?

Marriage seems to be a losing investment....no guarantee of success too...Guys has to please the woman more and have to endure her emotional swings too....

[sundial]

No woman no problem

[sunhuan-con]

No woman no problem

Agrees most of the problem comes from woman.

[Kaiser1000]

Woman come and go, Success you build with your hands stay if you manage it well.

[squiggle]

You can either just stay as friends or date her first while working hard for your work at the same time. Then you can have the best of both worlds, is all up to you and how you manage.

To me, I would rather stay as single for life if I can't even perfect myself/taking care of myself for money, studies and behaviour. These 3 things I will work hard to make them better first before I would even date, as I don't want later all the problems/conflicts pop ups because of all these, unable to handle and maintain the relationship.

[demonhunter]

Scenario


I have not reached my lifelong filthy rich target yet. Should I make my move on her (or let her make her move, which won’t happen)? Will proposing straight away frighten her? I’m actually afraid to communicate with girl; any pointers on how to behave, talk, do, don’t etc during courtship?

When you reach your filthy rich target , trust me , you wont wanna get married.

:D

[spoonge]

Single? You Missed the Girl in the Corner:

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/single-you-missed-the-girl-in-the-corner-kcon/

Single? Are you wondering how to make contact with an emotionally available woman beyond swiping right or swiping left?

In my professional and personal life, I meet single men who are Millennials, single dads, dating after divorce, and widows. One question appears universal, “where are all the decent single women?”

You didn’t notice her; she is the woman in the corner. How do I know this? My whole life I have been one of the women in the corner. Unlike Baby in Dirty Dancing, no one put me here. Some of us corner girls who understand the Dirty Dancing reference wonder if a man with the swagger of Patrick Swayze will extend his hand out to us to say hello.

Who is the girl or woman in the corner? Look around next time you go to the bar, a networking event, your workplace cafeteria, restaurant, or local coffee shop. She’s hanging out focused on what brings her joy- reading a book, sipping on a cup of tea, or laughing with her friends. She may be quirky, tell corny jokes, or not have mastered the art of flirting. Beneath all of these endearing traits, she has a heart of gold.

Initially, the woman many men are drawn to is the “attention-grabber.” An attention-grabber is the female on one mission. She wants to get noticed not only by you but also by every man and woman in the room. She is likely dressed provocatively, talking loudly, and every straight man turns their head in appreciation. Now the hunt is on. Who is the lucky man to get the attention-grabber to notice him first? Whose phone number will she accept? Will you come in second place as the backburner man?

We women in the corner just smile with knowing, watching the game unfold in front of us. We don’t engage in similar behavior, and it does not have to do with a lack of confidence. In fact, we likely share a deeper level of self-worth, dignity, and grace. You just didn’t stop to notice.

If you want to play chase like a cat and mouse go ahead–I have no judgment. If you are ready for a steady alternative, let me clue you in on a few secrets about us women in the corner.

1. Women in the corner do not lack confidence.

Contrary to popular belief, just because we are quiet, it does not mean we lack confidence. Just because we didn’t sashay into the room like a member of Beyonce’s Superbowl squad, it doesn’t mean we don’t feel sexy. In fact, most of us corner girls are secure in our intelligence, talents, sexuality, and the gifts we have to offer a man in a relationship. We are clear about what we are looking for in a relationship, and are not into playing games.

2. Don’t mistake modesty for lack of a sex drive.

I think of myself and my friends who are “corner girls.” We are professional women, pillars of our communities, and women who are often in the public eye. We are not likely to send half-naked selfies to men we barely know. We are not going to make a sexy or drunk spectacle in public for the world to watch on YouTube later. This does not mean that we are shut down sexually or have a low sex drive. In fact, we understand that seduction is an art and likely have a surprise waiting for you–if you make it that far.

3. Your mother, sister, or married female friends want you to date or marry this woman.

You are sitting here thinking, “okay Dr. Romie, I want to meet a corner woman, but all the good ones are already taken.” Reassess the women that have been presented to you. Did you ignore the suggestions of your mom, sister, married co-worker, or hairdresser? We, women, notice other corner women, respect them and want the men we love to find happiness. Make a list of three-five non-negotiables, and then approach the women you trust. Allow them the opportunity to introduce you to women in their circles.

4. Corner girls quickly get put in the “friend zone.”

As a “friend,” she gave you her shoulder to lean on while you spilled all your darkest secrets, dating dilemmas, and life dreams to this woman. She knows your kid’s favorite ice cream flavor and reminds you that it is your mother’s Birthday. Sound familiar? Don’t give me the excuse that you are scared to start a relationship and ruin the friendship. Fear cannot lead to love. Fear leads to loneliness. Replace that fear with faith, and ask your friend out on a date. Chances are, if you ask her out on a date, you will get to meet a whole other side of this woman that you never knew existed. 5. Her kindness is not a sign of weakness. Kindness is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. In a world that is often cold and divisive, she brings compassion into the room and to the people she loves. A corner girl is often labeled as the “nice girl”, “sweetheart”, or a female with a “heart of gold.” This is the woman who will visit sick friends in the hospital or help a neighbor in need. Make her your woman, and you will have a fiercely loyal companion who will make your dreams her own.

In honor of all the other single women in the corner, I invite you over to say hello. May love be just around the corner for you, and maybe even with the woman of your dreams sitting in the corner.

(http://goodmenproject.com/ )


How to Make the First Move?:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8fXJxXAmNU

Should a man always be the aggressor, or is it okay for a woman to make the first move? According to “The Real” ladies, sometimes making the first move is golden! Watch as they share a few tips and tricks on how to successfully take the plunge.

(The Real Daytime)

[Kenny87]

I hope you will take my humble opinion.

My background is abit different from you. But i have been poverty stricken before. My family fell on very hard times when my father left the army. An officer of very high rank, he decided not to continue and refuse to find work because jobs offered were "beneath" him. He just couldnt find something that paid the same and provided the same type of power.

We lived in a condo that was not paid in full. My mom worked, and i was in poly. It came so bad in a time when my family was nearly bankrupt that i pulled out of school because it came down to either me or my sisters.

We lived in a huge condo, but my sisters had nothing to eat. my father was proud and refused help from family nor tell anyone what was going on. I worked 3 jobs to sustain my family for the 2 years that my father refused to work and sit home and play shares all day. My mother was earning just enough to pay the condo so that we wont be on the streets.

In my mind at that time, career come first. I dated but only because the guy could feed me and my sisters.

I worked hard and like a crazy person. I rarely slept because my second job was me being in a call centre for ppl to call in to chat with girls.

I never intended to get married until i am rich enough to never depend on anyone. Have my own home and take care of my family easily. But now that im married, what i can tell you is that, being married, offers me a kind of stability that i need to work even harder.

Why? That sounds so oxymoron right?

because. once you are married, you will realize that you have someone to depend upon, you are rarely stressed or worried during work that someone is quarrelling with you over some stupid missed calls or missed messages. The time for dating is over and you die die have to concentrate at work.

of course, finding the right person is important too.

just my long long 2 cents.

[JacqueMerlin]

Career first. Without career, no marriage to talk about.

[spoonge]

SK-II: Marriage Market Takeover (Please turn on subtitle):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irfd74z52Cw

Published on Apr 6, 2016
Watch how single women in China courageously #changedestiny by standing up against the pressure of being labelled “Sheng Nu”, or “leftover woman”. Learn more about SK-II’s #changedestiny movement: http://www.sk-ii.com.sg/en/changedest...

Today, Chinese women face immense pressure to get married before they turn 27. In many Chinese cities, so called marriage markets are a common sight, where parents go to post and match personal ads. A number of brave Chinese women have finally stood up to speak their mind against society’s labels and their parents' pressures. A marriage market in Shanghai’s People’s park was taken over by personal messages from hundreds of independent women, stating that they want to control their own destiny.

Find out what these women courageously say to reconstruct the mutual respect between generations and increase society’s understanding to finally change their destiny in the film.

(SK-II)

[spoonge]

THE SHY GUY BIBLE!!! (Plus Sephora GIVEAWAY!):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-7GJAjgYco

Published on Mar 21, 2016
You're welcome ladies. This is the official Ask Kimberly SHY GUY BIBLE, and I know you've all been waiting for this!! This video is an extra-long, extra-detailed video that gives you everything you need to know about having a crush on a SHY GUY.

At the end, I've included the SHY GUY Levels of Attraction Quiz, a detailed quiz where you can get a better idea of just how much he likes you.

To take the quiz, click here: http://www.drkimberly.com/members

Sephora contest ends on April 30th, 2016 and is open to US and Canada residents only. Entrants must be subscribed to Ask Kimberly and @kimberlymoffit on Instagram and Twitter, and leave one comment. The more interactive the better! Good luck!

(Ask Kimberly)

[spoonge]

愛情和事業，妳選哪一個？:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mAE6tQ5DG4


內向害羞無法把妹？無論內向與外向都能成功吸引女生的方法 - 約會診療室DatingDoc.info:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZeRP7utdFY

更多克服害羞緊張，並且讓你輕易自信交談的聊天術：http://$$$$$$$/1Pznoei

有很多內向的朋友，都會覺得自己的問題是天生，而且無法改變的。
我今天就要來告訴你真正內向與外向的分野到底是什麼，
並且告訴你如果你跟我以前一樣也是個內向害羞的人，該怎麼樣一步一步從害羞地獄爬出來­。
另外我也會告訴外向的人該注意什麼，才能讓你不管內向或者外向，
都能夠輕易地帶領女生和你一起享受愛情！

更多克服害羞緊張，並且讓你輕易自信交談的聊天術：http://$$$$$$$/1Pznoei

(約會診療室TV)


People Who Don't Want to Fall in Love:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKl0Y6axOTw


How And Why Do People Fall In Love?:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBoIc01LjGg


Why You’re Attracted To Certain People:

Love is a beautiful thing, but what causes it? Well, it might all just be in your head.

Read More:
Attracted to Your Opposite? Brain Chemicals May Tell
http://www.livescience.com/40254-brain-chemicals-guide-attraction.html
“What makes people fall in love with one person and not another?”

What Your Brain Looks Like After 20 Years of Marriage
http://healthland.time.com/2011/01/11/what-your-brain-looks-like-after-20-years-of-marriage/?xid=huffpo-direct
“Contrary to popular opinion, people who say they are still madly in love with their spouses after more than two decades are not crazy.”

Love, Lust, and the Brain
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-doc/200907/love-lust-and-the-brain
“Before Mark Sanford, there was Elliot Spitzer, Rudy Guilliani, Bill Clinton, and Jack Kennedy to name a few.”

The Science of Love
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/hottopics/love/
“Flushed cheeks, a racing heart beat and clammy hands are some of the outward signs of being in love. But inside the body there are definite chemical signs that cupid has fired his arrow.”

(DNews)

[Harvest]

Establishing a career before marriage in today's society is paramount because love does not survive on fresh air and sunshine! :cool:

[spoonge]

Scenario

Recent years, I often bump into an ex secondary school classmate during weekend window shopping. She was (& still is) the nerdy girl that nobody will ever notice her existence. The very 1st time I saw her after 15 years, we do have chemistry for each though eye contact; love at 1st sight. Later, she opens a Facebook & added me.

Right now, we always hinted our feelings for each other through eye contact & Facebook post. But we have not PM each other in Facebook or physically talk to each other.

Love at First Sight - Science on the Web #94:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDeL6V-UTlY


The Science Behind Love At First Sight:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKYZrqvJ4M8


Does Love at First Sight Exist?:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TU7L8y8LHdA

[Ernnie]

The immediate rationale for most people is to rise in career first before marriage.

But sometimes when a really great girl comes along - capable, positive, humble and fits your character. Then you should really marry first because both of you can synergize and move on to greater heights.