Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

Amazing story , can tell that its quite true and can't wait for next instalment

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

Hi all,

Thanks for all the support and advice. But I need more advice now.

My HR manager received a complaint from someone regarding my alleged "affair" with Jasmine. I think it's pretty obvious who.

I'm not very sure how or why they are involved but I'm supposed to attend counselling? And I'm advised to avoid contact with her unless it is specifically for work purposes.

Can they actually enforce this?

Quite confused now actually.

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

Unless it's stated in the employment contract or HR policy that office romance is forbidden. Else it pretty much your own private matter. Legally they could not fire you for that.

I myself got to know my wife in office and everybody including my superior and hers knows about it and is pretty supportive. We kept it secret for more than 6 month until accidentally exposed lol.

In a nutshell. No law against it in SG but is determined by individual companies.

You are correct as mentioned since HR must have a written policy for such thing.

As Jasmine name was being mentioned, she can simply stand up and clarify the whole matter to absolve Mark in this allegation.

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

There is no sexual harassment complain by Jasmine, so this is not a problem.
Tell your HR about Jasmine's issue with her husband and that you are just supporting her as a friend and colleague.
Check with Jasmine first if she is ok with it?

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

First, Jasmine is not a victim and she did not lodge a complaint. Therefore there’s no case here. The company also got no such rules that couple cannot be from the same company.

From what I know, even in Government sectors, couple can also be together but to avoid conflict of interests, both would usually have to agree to be placed in different departments/branches.

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

As long as nothing happened inside the company and there's no Conflict Of Interest. Just a clarification needed.

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

during this time, they may bring up performance management etc

a. explain to them clearly that this is a private matter

b. it will not affect your performance

c. tell them that you will coporate with them and attend counselling session as the reasons are that you dont want to be against them

d. Be on their side and says that you are aware that company people may feel uncomfortable and thus you wont do anything inside the company to tarnish the reputation

e. this is also a testing time for both of you and it is good to have a chat with Jasmine privately on that.

f. Jasmine would look to you as the pillar and thus both of you would need to be strong and first of all,

f1. dont interact with each other during company time
f2. support each other through private chat
f3. decide if you want to continue on the relationship

g. end of the day, the company dont have a right to fire you but at the same time, they dont want you to be distracted and also create a problem for the company.

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

Great conflict of interest in SG so well known, but they just brushed it off

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

Agree with the bros here, it's a personal matter n draconian rules like no ofc relationship aren't something common. Beware of the one who lodge the complain, what a vicious person

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

Regardless of who made the complaint, it must have been damn obvious between you both while at work. And prior to joining, you were warned about the previous guy in your position. Legally there is nothing wrong about this, but every company have their policy, and that is the norm. If your relaitonship with her cannot even survive this small obstacle, it's just good to end it.

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

Definitely non-enforceable.

Fraternizing in the workplace is frowned upon, only if it involves two people with a reporting relationship (e.g. boss and subordinate) or between two key people in departments with a direct conflict of interest (e.g. CFO having an affair with Head of Internal Audit).

With almost any other combination, it is difficult for the company to justify disciplinary actions against you. They can request that you attend "counselling" or whatever session they call it, but you can easily turn the tables around by acknowledging that the current situation is inconvenient for them so can they please be upfront about what exactly they expect from you and J.

Important to note, though that your employer will not want to be perceived as condoning or encouraging "improper" (e.g. extra-marital) relationships in the office. Hence it is understandable for them to at least attempt to "do something" about the matter.

I advise you to seriously talk to Jasmine and reassure her that you are serious about her (I assume you are, through your words even though you didn't make this explicit) and then explain to Jasmine that you will "play along" with your company management's wishes but treat her extra nice to reassure her once the two of you are not in an office setting. Then the both of you should go for that first "counselling" session together to present a united front. The message will be super clear to your management then.

I work in a large department of a Fortune 500 company, and I have personally seen multiple cases within the department where two married people have affairs, sometimes multiple affairs over several years. In every instance employees will forget and move on once the "improper relationship" is legalized so if you are keen on Jasmine you should make it clear sooner rather than later. It's damn hard to sit on the fence with this kind of situation now at hand, you can say that this has forced your hand a little bit so you better make a decision sooner rather than later.

Any hesitant action on your part will be perceived by Jasmine, that she is simply not worth fighting for. There is no way to buy time for yourself while you slowly decide which girl(s) you want.

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

Maybe the husband is also here reading about your various escapades! 🤔

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

Some white dogs simply cannot accept the fact and resort to zapping :D

Re: An Affair with an older married lady... and the aftermath...
 

Spot on, agree.