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Habit #3: Broaden your horizons

An effective lover knows there's more to sex than intercourse. "He doesn't simply grab a woman's breasts and then dive for her crotch," says Robert Birch, Ph.D., a marital and sex therapist in Columbus, Ohio. Instead, he "sees intercourse as one of many options." Our sex therapists mentioned many possibilities, from using sex toys to rubbing your penis on different parts of your partner's body, to watching her masturbate. "The essential attitude -- especially in a long-term relationship -- is that nothing in particular has to happen during any sex act," says Constance Avery-Clark, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Coral Springs, Florida.