Originally Posted by tornbitwin2
in between these 3 years, my relationship with GF was not all that smooth either. we had a number of huge arguments, tried to end the relationship a few times but always end up patching back. if either one of us leaves,the other would pull us back together. the thing is,every time we patch up, the relationship seems to get stronger and stronger while the tie between me and WIFE was getting loose. over this period, GF changed a lot from her previous ways. She had almost totally cut her time with her colleagues and friends just to be with me. For example if she was in the middle of a party or outing with her friends,one phone call from me and she'll drop everything and come over. I pretty much decided that she was the one that was meant for me and was ready to end my marriage.WIFE kinda suspected that something was not right and eventually found out the truth. Just about this time, i got to know that my daughter was autistic.This threw a whole new variable into the equation. Now it wasn't just about the adults anymore. A divorce is always hard for a child, but in this case its going to be even worse because of her condition. At that point of time, i decided to hold on to the marriage for the sake of my daughter.
WIFE started putting in effort both to save the marriage and also help my daughter. i grew to respect her but the affection and closeness that we had years back was still missing.
I did not totally cut ties with GF. I couldn't. WIFE wasn't really sure if i was still in touch with GF. This to and fro got GF really furious as she wanted to know where does she stands and whats in for her. a rightfully fair expectation i would say. Amongst all this with the pressure building up, my performance at work was getting affected. Started drinking more,and spending more on MPs and KTVs. A few more big arguments that went out of hand. I actually hands on GF which i regret until today. Even after that we were back for a short time but with the real depth of my daughter's problem creeping in, i couldn't spend much time with GF. Finally we parted ways,albeit in a very nasty way.
Guess what, it didn't end there. We started contacting again but never met in person.maybe i was scared for some reason, but i avoided meeting her. by this time i could feel a gap between GF and me.. one more big fight over the phone and that was it.coming up to 5 months now and we haven't contacted each other since.
My relationship with WIFE has also been hot and cold ever since. but never as intense as with GF either when its going well or not too well. Now, not a single day passes by without me thinking of GF,its torturous at time when i'm at a low. But I'm just consoling myself it was the best thing to do. My daughter needs me, I can't be there for GF therefore its best that i let her go. She's still young and has a chance to find someone else and move on. However, its easier said than done.i still look at GF's photos, still keep the stuffs she got me. Pretty much living half heartedly at the decision i made. My only consolation is, my daughter's condition has been improving steadily over the past few months.In the past 5 months, WIFE is convinced that i've not been in contact with GF so she has put that aside and having full concentration on my daughters needs. Its like she can sense when her mum is upset or disturbed,which will show up in her daily behaviour at home,theraphy and school.
WIFE has accepted the fact that i have changed and i can't love her like how i used to, we are working together for the child's sake.
I'm not expecting any outcome from posting here,but just feel like telling my story out loud...
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