Originally Posted by Xyberduke
everybody can disagree with me...
but here's me....
my marriage with my ex-wife broke down. why? because we don't communicate, we've different hobbies, hang out with different types of friends, i don't like her friends, she don't like my friends... we don't really enjoy anything together after a year of marriage.. and both started to have our own late night activities... i go ktv, sleep around, and she seldom come home when i'm on business trips.. and hung out at host bars..
if you see my past threads, i hang out at ktv twice a week, womanising....
Anyone who have the same problem and your age is under 30. DIVORCE now. Sorry this is a fact... Counsellors only help people accomodate each other's shortcoming and understand each other better. I'm a real life example. I cannot accept her life, she cannot accept mine. And we were disillusioned that we actually tried to accomodate and hide our true character. We are what we are, to change yourself, you're not yourself, and there're plenty of gals and guys out there for everybody. Why force yourself to do something you don't like just because you're married? Everybody makes mistakes, and we're Singaporean. What's the percentage of Singaporeans staying on the same job for his/her entire life? We're built that why.
The other fact is that most men like to sleep around. A woman can resist a hot nake man standing front of her, but can a man resist a hot naked girl standing in front of him? I can't. So if your wife cannot stand you spending time outside with buddies (as a cover) at least once a month, then your life will be difficult. It would be like prison. BUT you must give the same freedom to your wife to be fair.
the SAD FACT is, if you have kids, think twice, because kids go to wife by default (precedence). and hdb goes to the one that can form nucleus... Your wife and kid. then, your assets will go to your wife unless she's earning way more than you (not just a bit more or earns the same). 1-5yrs marriage she gets 5-10% more after 50/50 split; 6-10 yrs around 10-15%; 11-15yrs, blah blah blah..... So basically, you've a lot to lose. this is divorce based on unreasonable behaviour (even if you don't like her job, you can divorce this way); after 3-4yrs separation, etc. BUT if any party engages a PI with a report to proof adultery, everything is lost.
the very SAD FACT is, your kid will grow up in a single-parent family. I've only seen a few good people growing up from single-parent families, most are ...you know better.
I initiated divorce because i was forced to a corner, my ex-wife even turned to violence and threats. I had no choice. I wanted to take custody of my child to take my kid away from my ex-wife, and had prepared all the necessary proof(what i thought was proof). BUT learnt the sad fact after my divorce proceedings started... Everything that i read on the net and law websites are not as I understood. But it was too late and my first lawyer was crap and left the law firm shortly creating a huge delay in my case.
My kid is suffering. I'm suffering financially, from a big spender with lots of cash in hand, i now hesitate buying anything more than a curry rice for meals as my bank account depletes through legal fees as my ex-wife is still trying to fight for more even though she has a losing case, she just wants me to waste money on legal fees and continue torturing me, while she borrows everywhere thinking that she can claim legal fees from me (which i've sought opinion from several lawyers that it's impossible on her grounds, luckily)...
Now for the interesting facts... Divorce lawyers.. They get paid whether they win or lose. And divorce is an area that doesn't need referrals. So please beware. The longer your drag, the more they earn. And the tasks for them gets easier as the case drags (less affidavits which is a one time effort), but for you, it only gets tougher emotionally and financially daily (unless you've sound financial plans and savings catered specifically for divorce).
Now for a fact to verify for yourself. Judges are not ALL top students from law school, in fact, top law graduates would earn bigger bucks as a lawyer then joining the legal services. Outside court, they're human and have characters that you see day in day out. And if they're perfect, there wouldn't be a Appeal court. So it's like walking into a casino and hope you get a good judge... They're generally good, but you may meet one that's on a really bad day. Not sure what would turn out.
So...... DIVORCE early, DIVORCE now, until you find the right one. If you have kids, suck it up and accept life as it is. And if you accept life as it is, continue to sleep around but don't start an extramartial relationship.
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