[tamtam]

Originally Posted by n30n

It's not about feign ignorance. It's about acceptance.

That's why there are women who demand to hear all the bad things then later throw back temper at the man, because they got the wrong idea about confession.

When you did something wrong, you confess. You are wishing for acceptance and forgiveness. So if you can't accept and properly iron things out with him, pretending it didn't happen will eat you out from inside.

Remember how your own past actions, good and bad, affect your perspective of yourself. Maybe sometimes you hate yourself, but later, you'll grow to accept it and become part of yourself. If you keep avoiding and ignoring the issue, you'll keep having self conflicts. Recall how you accept those issues to resolve your self conflict.

Same with your spouse. They are your other half. Whatever bad they do in the past is looking for your acceptance. Not for you to pretend you never hear and hide under the rug. Use the same resolve you did for your own conflicts on your other half's issues.
Accept him as who he is, as all his whole past made him the man you love today.

So this is what mental preparation is about. You must know what's your limits of acceptance. If he confess about something within your limits, things can be solved peacefully, then that's very good.

Let's say if he drop a bomb, and you know you will explode, find out ways to curb your explosion, so that you can keep calm and listen to him.
Let him know what are the ways to calm you down, in case you explode and need his help to calm you down.

So both of you need to know how to handle each other's vulnerability safely without abusing each other's weakness.
It's about creating trust and a safe nest for you two to thrive.

Hi Sis,

I love your ways of handling things, hope my wife can learn that from you, and i will be very grateful.