Quote:
Originally Posted by Rickey
Oh, dear bro bernardlee, am so sorry to hear tat u went thru' so much emotional turmoil to the point of depression tat caused u to lose ur bread n butter cos of tis...i really feel for you n empathise wif you, my dear bro...
Women are often portrayed as the weaker sex, the ones tat are always being bullied by the guys but tats becoming a myth wif women's emancipation n liberation.. on the contrary, they can be even more vicious, ferocious n unforgiving n can inflict greater sufferings n emotional damage than one can imagine n wreck the lives of their man when it comes to things like revenge, justice etc..
Yes, divorce is only the LAST resort, all else failing...and yes, bro bernard is rite...u may only be just jumping frm the fire to the frying pan  cos most of these women seem alike..in a divorce, the men are often the losers now n hv much to lose wif the Women's Charter n all behind them to boot.. sigh...
So just another gentle reminder for guys who are looking to get married... take ur time to know her thoroughly, tink long n hard, tink carefully again ..b4 u plunge into matrimony wif her...whether the gal u wish to marry is gonna treat u well or not in all respects in the marriage r/s, particularly when u r in sexual needs. My 3 cents worth... |
Hi Bro Ricky & bernardlee (and to all the bros reading who are in the same situation)...
Sorry guys but I do NOT agree that divorce is the last resort. What's before that last resort? Suicide?
If someone is so depressed that work/life quality is affected because of the marriage, then divorce must be the next logical step to get away from the root cause of the stress.
Yes, of course there is a chance that we end up in another shithole...but not doing it because of future fears is like saying my tooth hurts when I drink water, and since my tooth cannot be fixed, I should either endure the toothache for life or stop drinking altogether. No bros, pull the tooth out...yes, it will be painful....yes I will lose my tooth...and yes, it will cost me money...but after that, at least I do not have a toothache any more...
PLUS, Nobody says a divorcee MUST get married again.
If we believe...even if it is not real...but if we believe that we have more fun and enjoy our lives more during the dating days...then why can't we just choose to live out those dating days again??
I accept that some people just want to get married and their hope springs eternal about finding a soul mate...but the reality is, that present soul mate has changed...we all change as we grow...and our common target and goals are no longer common...that, bros, is life...
Do we have to sit and wallow in self pity and get more and more frustrated every day?? Do we have to bear the consequence of maybe making one incorrect decision for the rest of our lives? NO!!! We have a choice.
Why think of raping your wife when the more sensible and humane way is to inform her that: 'I can no longer live with you under these terms and conditions, let's part ways so that we can both live the ways we want...best of luck and no hard feelings.' How is this harder than having thoughts of violating another human being even if she is the wife and possibly the root cause of all the pent up anger and frustration???
Unlike some bros who thinks the wife is being difficult, I do not for a second believe that she is doing it on purpose to make you suffer. (if she is, then it should be a police case.)
Men are logical creatures and we find ways to justify our actions. In this case we justify it as we have made a commitment; we have children and responsibilities so we cannot walk away. Bullshit....the terms of that commitment are no longer valid because our partner changed the condition of the original agreement. It may or may not be her fault, but the conditions have been drastically changed nevertheless...
Would you continue to work for a boss who stops paying you?? NO? Why? You made a commitment when you signed the contract!! You have clients, and projects and staff and people who depend on you to complete the next phase of work...but we are all happy to walk away from that company because the person we made the agreement with no longer honours his/her part of the agreement by not paying us.
Would you simply say, ok then, I will just work 3.5 days a week since they are not paying me? Hell NO!!! We just walk away and engage a lawyer.
This is exactly the same in a marriage. Why hold on to false hope that things will change? Why suffer in silence? And why must you change your whole way of life to embrace more sports and plants and fishing to replace sex, which you honestly believe was an integral part of the original agreement?
For the bros who feel they can accept this turn of events and live life somewhat normally without sex (or quality sex) with the wife, then by all means carry on. But if as bro bernardlee has suffered, losing his will to work and live almost...then divorce is the only way (NOT the last resort...the present and first resort) to get him out of his spiraling situation because the root cause for his depression is his marriage.
If the wife as a person is still someone we love a lot, then great, we can still be best friends...because best friends do NOT have to have sex with eeach other...just get back your self esteem and the right to have sex with someone who enjoys it as much as you do. Meet you ex wife for a game of scrables or bowling...but sex is no longer on the table and thus ends the frustration of being unfulfilled. You will in fact end up loving her more as a friend and a person because you have removed sex which was the problem. And quite likely she will love you more too because she no longer has to fend off your sexual advances.
Is losing half your money even in the same league as losing your mind?? I cannot believe I have to make an argument for this. Give up 50% of the money, or very soon, 100% of the money will be meaningless to you anyway.
I apologize if I am sounding a little bit unsupportive...but seriously bros...has anything changed for the better since you vented your frustrations? If nothing has changed to your liking...then as Einstein said: Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.
Could this lack of action be partly because we do not want to admit that we were wrong? That choosing divorce means annoucing to the world that we screwed up? Perhaps. So what? Be brave...make a change to save your own life and sanity. To hell with money, you can always make more when your life gets back to normality. The children will still grow up and you can still spend quality time with them. To hell with what the neighbours and in laws think. Get your own life back in order first...get the healthy perspective back...then worry about all the collateral problems later.
I wish all the bros good mental and physical health and the stregth to make their lives better. Take charge of your life now, before you lose the will to have a life that you thought you wanted.
Sorry if my honesty rubs anyone the wrong way, my intention is merely to help. Cheers.