[Rickey]

Originally Posted by Wizrd

Sorry guys but I do NOT agree that divorce is the last resort. What's before that last resort? Suicide?

If someone is so depressed that work/life quality is affected because of the marriage, then divorce must be the next logical step to get away from the root cause of the stress. Do we have to sit and wallow in self pity and get more and more frustrated every day?? Do we have to bear the consequence of maybe making one incorrect decision for the rest of our lives? NO!!! We have a choice.

Yes, of course there is a chance that we end up in another shithole...but not doing it because of future fears is like saying my tooth hurts when I drink water, and since my tooth cannot be fixed, I should either endure the toothache for life or stop drinking altogether. No bros, pull the tooth out...yes, it will be painful.....but after that, at least I do not have a toothache any more

PLUS, Nobody says a divorcee MUST get married again.

Men are logical creatures and we find ways to justify our actions. In this case we justify it as we have made a commitment; we have children and responsibilities so we cannot walk away. Bullshit....the terms of that commitment are no longer valid because our partner changed the condition of the original agreement. It may or may not be her fault, but the conditions have been drastically changed nevertheless...

Could this lack of action be partly because we do not want to admit that we were wrong? That choosing divorce means annoucing to the world that we screwed up? Perhaps. So what? Be brave...make a change to save your own life and sanity. To hell with money, you can always make more when your life gets back to normality. The children will still grow up and you can still spend quality time with them. To hell with what the neighbours and in laws think. Get your own life back in order first...get the healthy perspective back...then worry about all the collateral problems later.

I accept that some people just want to get married and their hope springs eternal about finding a soul mate...but the reality is, that present soul mate has changed...we all change as we grow...and our common target and goals are no longer common...that, bros, is life...

Would you continue to work for a boss who stops paying you?? NO? Why? You made a commitment when you signed the contract!! You have clients, and projects and staff and people who depend on you to complete the next phase of work...but we are all happy to walk away from that company because the person we made the agreement with no longer honours his/her part of the agreement by not paying us.

This is exactly the same in a marriage. Why hold on to false hope that things will change? Why suffer in silence? And why must you change your whole way of life to embrace more sports and plants and fishing to replace sex, which you honestly believe was an integral part of the original agreement?

For the bros who feel they can accept this turn of events and live life somewhat normally without sex (or quality sex) with the wife, then by all means carry on. But if as bro bernardlee has suffered, losing his will to work and live almost...then divorce is the only way (NOT the last resort...the present and first resort) to get him out of his spiraling situation because the root cause for his depression is his marriage.

Another well written a/c of the problem wif the wives of SG ...Tks bro for ur sharing, help n input on tis subject...

We all basically hv the same thinking...Some clarifications here will make it clearer...Wat is meant here is tat all chances for a reconciliation must be tried 1st b4 declaring DIVORCE...i/o being trigger-happy n pressing the panic button straight away...after all tis is a serious matter tat can hv widespread repercussions for either one or even both parties n their families

Yes, wats meant here too is tat when ALL ELSE FAILING, we shd all go for the DIVORCE w/o further ado...but NEVER EVER get into another marriage which most likely wld be similar or worst than the previous one. Women are generally NOT EASY creatures to handle, they are v. sensitive, get angry easily over little, little things n refuse to accept explanations n apologies however sincere they are..after things hv happened...

Most divorcees DO NOT or cannot get married again prolly due mainly to the low trust level of the genders towards each other...once bitten twice shy kinda thingy ...n considering the additional stigma of divorce & the baggage to be inherited by the next party..

Fully agree, bro, ...As hv been pointed out TIME CHANGES THINGS & PEOPLE...their character, their thinking esp women...wat they tell u ytd, might not even hold true TODAY (imagine !...just by a single day !!) ..pple can change their minds v. fast over any small matter...friendships r made n broken in an instant ...yes, they can literally change their minds in a SECOND if they feel like it...sigh...tats why life is not only short but v. fragile too, we never know n never can be sure of wat will hold for us tomorrow...so we cannot take it for granted tat wif the joy n happiness we now hv, we can live happily ever after...we hv to treasure every good moment we hv n PRAY to our Gods whoever we perceive Him to be for HIs continued blessings...every new day brings forth new situations n challenges tat either makes us or BREAKS us..life, bros n sis is full of twists n turns...for those who are so sure of life n wats in store for them, THINK AGAIN !...i wish them all the very best