Quote:
Originally Posted by purple001
Personal point of view- if my ex is gonna find me a counsellor (a female one esp.) to tell me that one of my duties being a wife is to provide sex to my husband, I'll definitely hit the roof. Frankly, the last thing I would want to hear is someone teaching me how to manage my marriage life. Whether is it right or not, it should nvr be from another person's mouth..esp sensitive issues like this. Other issues like communication prob, how to maintain good relationship etc... It's fine, and I might be more willing to listen.. Lol.
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Purple:
Are you a lady or a guy?
In any case, there are two choices:
1. You fix your marriage and grow old together,
2. You get divorced and likely die alone. (This more of a problem for women than men)
That is what is on the table. There are many blogs by divorced women all over the internet who realized well after their divorces that their lack of interest in sex was the cause of their break up. They don't realize it initially, they come to that realization after a few years.
In general, women need to feel loved before they'll wnat sex, men need sex to feel loved. If you don't have sex with your husband, to him it means you do not love him. Its that simple, that is how a guys brain works. Cooking is nice but he can buy noodles at a coffee shop if you don't cook for him, but you MUST fuck him, you're his wife for gosh sakes.....if not you, then who? If he goes to a brothel, you can divorce him but then why should he need to go to a brothel, he's married, no?
Most of you here are married with kids. This isn't secondary school, its real life and life is messy. If you've seen your children born, you'll understand that.
You can try and live like a monk as a man, but eventually your head explodes....it happened to me. You try and take your mind off it (and inside you are soo embarrassed that you put up with this sort of crap and abuse you don't tell anybody about it) and you convince yourself you'll stay together for the family but in the end.....hormones win out, you NEED intimacy.
I already had my lawyer picked out and I was done. Every man in a sexless marriage will reach the same end. Since the family court will send you both for couselling you might as well just go on your own.
Now, many of you are thinking that the cousellor will sit your wife down on an elevated chair and bright lights shining at her and question her through a loud speaker "WHY AREN'T YOU FUCKING YOUR HUSBAND?". It does not work like that. The cousellour gets you talking to each other and tries to stay out of it. It will go something like this:
Counsellor to the husband: So what is the problem?
Husband: No sex, no intimacy.
Counsellor to wife: You heard what "husband's name" said, what are your thoughts?
Wife: Too buys with kids job, etc...blah, blah, blah.....
Counsellor to husband: Are you aware?
Husband: Yes but still....
Counsellor to wife: What could be done to lessen some stress so that you could have some time together?
And in this way the coucellor will get you talking. If you stop talking, they'll jump in again. That is how it goes. if the wife says, "I don't love him anymore" or somehting like that, the cousellour will explore whether this can be fixed or not. If not, then its off to the respective lawyers' offices to sort everything out.
All they do is get you talking but, there is an underlying reality here:
"Refusing to have sex with your husband without a valid reason is legal grounds for divorce in Singapore and most other places.".
That is a fact. The whole purpose of marriage is intimacy, if there is none, there is no reason to stay married.
So that's it boys and girls.
Do NOT talk to third party women about your problems, your wife will hit the roof....this is expected. You talk to a consellour or a lawyer, that's it. What is between you and your wife is private so you should talk to people that are bound by their professions to stay quiet.
Cheers,
jim