Quote:
Originally Posted by purple001
Maybe it's a shift of priorities / motherly instinct etc that kids well being comes first. It does not mean that there is no more love / lesser love towards the hubby.
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Hi sis...
I agree with what you said...90% of it anyway...
The quoted part is the part I disagree with...
It is a shift of focus on the woman's part...but think about it from the guy's point of view...
He was her complete focus before the marriage...say 70%, 30% on work and other things...then comes marriage...he drops to maybe 50%...more on her career now since they have settled down...ok, most guys can accept that...because comes the weekend, he goes back to 65-75% of her total focus...
Then comes a child...he drops to 5% if he is lucky...usually, it's 0%.
How should he take that??
The worse thing is...he sees no hope of getting back to 70%...
I have spoken with empty nesters...the children are grown and gone...they only have each other...yet...because of the years of neglect (not saying its her fault entirely, but guys do not recover from being neglected very well...we just change focus too...usually years before the empty-nester days...)...it will never be the same...they have gotten used to their separate lives...only very very few lucky ones can still be lovey dovey then...
(my grand parents lived together till their passing...but I know she detested him, hatred is not too harsh a word to use - hey, they have 14 children together...my parents lived together till his passing, and she is still talking bad about him now...just slightly worse than when I was growing up...I don't know how the men felt but men of that generation didn't talk about emotion or feelings, at least not to a kid...)
Why wouldn't women magazines...which attempt to teach women everything from make up to sex....teach new mothers about this??
Guys are not usually that greedy...5% won't cut it...but we do understand that the child takes priority...give us 30%...maybe 50% on weekends...
With this, guys will appreciate the effort and in turn, shower more tenderness at the wife and the good cycle continues...
Yes...won't work for everyone but if 60% of married men are happier...women will notice...word of mouth transfer of this 'knowledge' will increase the number of happy husbands...hence happier families...
It is a myth that men only want sex...we want attention and tenderness too...if a woman has been telling me off all day about not helping with the baby simply because she thinks that the baby can only be taken care of in one way...her way...and therefore I am constantly screwing up when I am trying to help...I won't feel like having sex with her that night...regardless of how sexy she is...and guess what...I also don't feel like being nice to an unreasonable person...despite my love for that person...at least not for that moment...AND...I will avoid helping so I won't have to screw up...
And the bad cycle continues...
It does take two hands to clap and I am not saying the husband is blameless...but in our defence...the woman started it when the baby arrived...
Ask any woman to go from getting 100% of someone's attention to close to zero %...she will freak out too no matter how you explain it to her...
The need for affection is not a logical matter so men are as vulnerable as women in suffering from a loss of it...
Sorry sis...not expecting you to have answers to my rantings...I'm just writing as thoughts come to me from your post....
Cheers for discussing the with us...really appreciate your input...
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