Originally Posted by purple001
Hi there,
To answer yr qn- I am an woman. But take note that every women react differently to situations like these. I've have tried marriage counselling prior to my divorce, but my focus wasn't on the intimacy part then. But given the same scenario, if my ex were to tell me that one of my wifey duties is to have sex with my hubby, I may not agree totally. Deep in my heart I'll prob be think- damn, I've spend x years of my youth with u, bore u kids, take care of u and the house etc, and all u can think of its just sex ??? Likely it will make me angrier and felt so unappreciated. Yep, it's part and parcel of marriage life, I do not deny that. But this can only happen if my mind is willing., and i am ready. Dont expect it to be like before immediately, give some time allowance. For many women (yes, many.), our priorities changed once kids arrive. Maybe it's a shift of priorities / motherly instinct etc that kids well being comes first. It does not mean that there is no more love / lesser love towards the hubby. Not that case. Hormonal or what, maybe. At this point of time, the focus will be on other things, children, career, housework etc. The need for sex changed to something that is less needed.
A counselling session may work for some as I've mentioned earlier, Can try, but take note of the risks of being backfired. Double edge sword, it may break or mend the missing part in the couple's life. Congrats if it's successful, only you guys know whether yr wifey is the receptive kind. Sex only come when the moment, feeling is right, the need is there. Ultimatum or not, its yr choice.
Spend some time having a real heart to heart talk, don't jump into the sex part yet. Talk abt the younger carefree days before marriage, the beautiful memories you both shared and how u would like to grow old with her. Make it touching and romantic as much as possible. Nvr ever grumble abt how deprived or upset u r with her for the lack of sex. If the feeling is right, intimacy will come to u, and if u r successful, then talk abt the conditions on how u would wish to have it x times a week etc. It goes a long way.
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