What is True Love?

[Snuber]

Originally Posted by Blue_gal

Is this "faithful or TRUE LOVE or STUPID"?

In this case, it may be a case of you being a faithful lover.

You are so concerned abt UNCLE that you are willing to "cut" those connections & just reserve yourself for him. In your mind, it's just him & the rest doesn't excite you anymore.

True love requires both parties to make sacrifices & compromise each other.

But then, only you yourself will know best.

For me, I'm still searching for my true love.........

[devil9992002]

Love is everywhere ;
to choose ;
or be chosen ;
it's all but a overview on people's sight.

I'm trying all the while ; yet to be hurt more deeply.
People say "it's" destined to be yours when u let go of "it" and "it" came back to you;
but i feel otherwise.
"It" only comes back when "it's" tired and needs a rest.
Happens not only once, but with 4 different people (of different nationalities).

So can anything be trusted ? It's only up to yourself.

Maybe i'm juz like a bed, always there when u need it hahaha.............................

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by devil9992002

Love is everywhere ;
to choose ;
or be chosen ;
it's all but a overview on people's sight.

I'm trying all the while ; yet to be hurt more deeply.
People say "it's" destined to be yours when u let go of "it" and "it" came back to you;
but i feel otherwise.
"It" only comes back when "it's" tired and needs a rest.
Happens not only once, but with 4 different people (of different nationalities).

So can anything be trusted ? It's only up to yourself.

Wise words

thaivisitor
Barely 18 yrs old - just added on 25-03-05
http://forum.sammyboy.com/showthread.php?p=880201

[free]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

When you get married, you do not think that the other party is not the one you would love for the rest of your life. If you did, you would not have married.

Absolutely. For me, Love is more than a feeling; it is a decision. I made the decision to love her when I married my 1st wife (that meant I can also decide to stop loving). Suffice to say it was a wrong decision in this case, cos there were alarm bells along the way and a gigantic one 6 months before the wedding.I should have the guts to call it off. But I was too coward to do it, cos we had dated for almost 3 years and it seemed only right I should marry her. And both now suffered for it. I had thought I could love her and that would be sufficient. I did love her, very deeply indeed for the 1st 8 years and subsequently the heart began to die. For this is a love unrequited, and it was way too one-sided. However nothing I did was good enough, and eventually the emotions went cold and I become "nao jai". She taught me the meaning of "mai por jai".

Throughout the 13 years there was no one else in my heart for I had shut the door completely. In the 1st 8, I did not even touch another woman, even though I hardly had any sexual enjoyment with her and eventually hardly do it anymore. Sex became a means of procreation, not an expression of love. She had never see it as her duty to meet my needs or to satisfy me (100& opposite from Film). If anything she just lie there and expected me to do all the magic. In the last stretch, just about a year before I gave up we managed to get a more exciting sexual life going, but guess it was too little too late. When my heart died completely, aided by the constant threats of divorce that had started since a few months into the marriage whenever 'she can't get her way until the very last straw that broke the camel's back when she threw her last threat. This time I agreed, and told her I will set her free to find the one who can make her happy since I've come to the conclusion that nothing I did is enough, even if her friends' hubbies are a lot worse. She had wanted me to be the handsome dark prince charming on a white horse in the many romantic con-job novels she loved to read. Told her sorry, I can't even ride a horse. The rest is history.

I had decided that it is better to be alone, than to be miserable. I moved out, though I still go back regularly to see my 2 boys. Ironically the frequent quarrels stopped and we were able to become friends slowly. She tried to change and her unreasonable behaviour and temper seemed become better. She told me that she found the characteristics of the wife I had thought I married in the bible itself and wished she had paid some attention. She asked me to return home but 3 times I tried, the monster in her came back within days. Finally, I decided enough was enough. I came to the conclusion that we are not made to be together, period. I am sure that in her own way, she did love me too or she would not have married me, but it was perhaps not deep enough for her to be considerate to me, even though she is nice to everybody else (except perhaps my family). Dun anyone even think of asking me why I married her in the 1st place - cos I dun know.

After 3 months of soliditary confinement, I decided that I deserve another shot at love, and opened my heart. Soon after I met my Dancer in CR. She restored my heart to dare to love again. Perhaps that is why Dancer had a very special place in my heart and occupied it for so long.

Today if I were to go thru life again,. I would have made a different choice. I would have loved my college sweetheart and treasured her more, instead of taking her for granted much of the time. I was too young then. We had spent 7 years together, and would have remained good friends if the one I married had not demanded (unlike Film who did not) we broke contact, and the fact that I was the one who introduced her husband to my JC sweetheart, and we all met see each other every Sunday morning made no difference to her. We probably would have gotten married if I had known better how to treat a gal right then. And if I had met the equivalent of Film, she would be the one, truly.

I have learnt my lesson. My choice today is based much on my life's lesson. Beyond all the superficial things like age, nationality & cutural differences, I see the inner person who would love me for who I am today, not who she wants me to be. I seek the one whom I am contended to spend the rest of my life with, even if she is not going to improve an iota from the person she is today. I seek the one who wants to requite my love instead of just receiving. Maybe even love me more than I love her? (that would be nice )

I am glad I have found her in my Film. Film may not be all that I dreamt of(perfection), But then, she is also MORE than what I dared hoped for. Truly I will gladly die so that she can live if that is what is needed from me.

[thaivisitor]

Originally Posted by free

I had decided that it is better to be alone, than to be miserable. I moved out, though I still go back regularly to see my 2 boys.

Some people sacrifices for their spouse.
Some people sacrifices for their children.
Some people sacrifices for themselves.

I would never divorced my wife or be separated from my family if I had children unless my children are all adults themselves. But to each his own. No right or wrong but nothing can be as regular than to be with your children in the same house. Period.

I have learnt my lesson. My choice today is based much on my life's lesson. Beyond all the superficial things like age, nationality & cutural differences, I see the inner person who would love me for who I am today, not who she wants me to be. I seek the one whom I am contended to spend the rest of my life with, even if she is not going to improve an iota from the person she is today. I seek the one who wants to requite my love instead of just receiving.

I am glad I have found her in my Film. Film may not be all that I dreamt of(perfection), But then, she is also MORE than what I dared hoped for. Truly I will gladly die so that she can live if that is what is needed from me.

Tell me this again after 5 years hor.... cos I heard it when you were with Dancer, then with Rain.

[free]

Originally Posted by thaivisitor

Some people sacrifices for their spouse.
Some people sacrifices for their children.
Some people sacrifices for themselves.

I would never divorced my wife or be separated from my family if I had children unless my children are all adults themselves. But to each his own. No right or wrong but nothing can be as regular than to be with your children in the same house. Period..

If u had experienced the daily battles and the scars they left on the kids, u may think differently. There were 3 incidents that made me decide to do what I did. One was a friend (an only son) who asked me when I was going thru my situation. He asked "Wanna hear the perspective from the one caught between 2 fighting spouses?" He was caught in the middle of his parents' warzone for the last 30 years. They are now 60 and have been doing consistent battle for 30 years - since the day he was born. He shared with me how he hated his parents for their constant fighting and wished they had the guts to divorce and be friends instead of enemies. He called them losers! He believed with all his heart that if they had the guts to divorced os they simply can''t stay together w/o getting at each other's throats, stayed as friends and allow the him access to both sides, he would have carried far less emotional scars and fears regarding his own marital future. True they provide for him and his Uni educatiion overseas, etc but he knows that can be done even if they are apart.

The 2nd happened about a month later, I read an letter in the ST forum about how a lady just graduated from a USA uni, both her parents were there for her convocation. It was the happiest moment in her life. She said her joy was complete as her family was there and her parents are good friends. What she said next caught me off guard and got me thinking very hard for a long time. "My family had always been broken - until my parents got divorced. Now they are good friends and great parents". I shared this with my marriage counsellor and he agreed that in some situations when both parents still want to share the responsibilties to take care of the kids, this can be the best arrangement, especially if the parents are matured enough to maintain a good friendship, compared to slugging it out everyday. He thinks it may work for us if all else failed. I think we have come to this point -and we are still friends today, in anything, on better terms than before.

The final came from my own eldest son. He said to me one day after yet another big battle when I told him that mummy and daddy may not be able to make it anymore "Dad, maybe it would be better - at least mum can't scold you everyday. I know how tough it been on you all these years, just absorbing mum's nonsence and unreasonable temper. I know you will be happier and I will be too, as long as you still love us and will come to see me and kiddo often". With tears flowing down my cheeks, I told him I am his dad and will always be there for him when he needs me. Three of us (+ our maid who too had seen all the going ons and really love the kids) just sat there and hug and cry together for a long long time that evening. Do you know what it feels like, that even my young boys felt the pain I had been going thru? Have you ever been there?

Tell me this again after 5 years hor.... cos I heard it when you were with Dancer, then with Rain..

Sure I want to be able to say that again and for as long as I live. That I had chosen Film over Dancer and R (R is not Rain. by the way - Rain was out of my radar long ago since the day we called it quits) said something about the lessons I had learnt in the course of my LDTR journey, and partly from your advice too. Film as she is today is good enough for me. I dun need her to be any better. Anything else is a bonus. Same for her. She said as long as I dun get any worse, I am more than enough for her. She calls me "dee ti sut". Any improvement I made, she will treasure. I no longer based my hopes on what I expect her to do in the future but on what I see and experienced with her, today.

[free]

Originally Posted by Hitman, 13-06-2003

Bro Free, although I do not know you, but I want you to know that you have my blessings and best wishes..... here's a quote I'd like to share with you and brothers here...

The future is not a result of choices among alternative paths offered by the present, but a place that is created--created first in the mind and will, created next in activity. The future is not some place we are going to, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made, and the activity of making them, changes both the maker and the destination. - - John Schaar

Persevere when you've found true love, and there will be light at the end of the tunnel...

Bro Hitman, do you remember this above post of yours? I hit upon it today by accident, and even though I have forgotten the actual words, the message I have not. I did find love in Dancer, whom you were refering to then, for we did share a love that I (and I believe she) will never forget. I had persevered on, and today I know I have found her - my true love, the love that is above all others.

As each day passes, as she gets busier in her school and delve into work, as we make less calls to save money, the knowledge of our love for one another has not fade an iota. Instead it grows yet stronger, As we have now realised, our love is in our hearts. It does not matter if we speak to each other less, even as we would prefer it to be more. It is endurable if we see each other less even as we are dying to be back in each other's arms, cos we know Love is in our hearts. Prow Waa Kwaam Rak Yu Nai Jai.

[freedom]

if there was true love
most of the lonely guy wont be lonely

[free]

Originally Posted by freedom

if there was true love
most of the lonely guy wont be lonely

Love is really what you make of it. The other person cannot be A Right Person unless one first seek to be A Right Person for the other and makes him/her to be A Right Person for you. For example, I truly believe if I really wanted to, I can develop a love relationship with the best friend of my ex (she's also my pal). This is because we both really like each other, enjoy each other's company and already know each other's virtues/faults pretty well. In fact when I went to Chiangrai by myself before CNY, she was the one who spent time with me and we visited the election counting centers together. Even her mum is for us to be more than just buddies. Why we haven't not started anything was simply it is very good for her (and even me) to have a relationship with me, her best friend's ex. Dun ask my why, but that's how many TGs feel - its a like a betrayal.

True Love does not fall from the sky. It is not a "thing" nor is it even a person. Rather True Love is something shared between 2 persons, a result of actions and interactions between 2 persons who had decided that they wanted to be more than just friends, if not spend the rest of their lives together (if possible). It has to been seeked, it has to be worked upon.

Love helps one to recognize the other person for who he/she is, valuing the virtues, accepting the faults. It has to start with knowing one's own virtues and faults. Love makes one want to be a better person for the other, & can be the highest motivation for personal change. Love is gentle and forgiving. Love has both happy and sad moments.

True Love, however has something more. It has the guts to go thru hard times, face adversity and put in the determination and hardwork to walk the journey. It has the inner strength to walk alone at times, to trust the other inspite of what one hears from others. It dares to separate the truth from the lies, the present from the past and reach up to the future. In the face of adversity, True Love grows stronger, not weaker.

True Loves takes two, and is not a one-sided affair. As one sees the other responding to & reciprocating one's loving thoughts and actions, one seeks to do even more, and the circle of love gets re-inforced. When there is True Love, there is effort not to take each other for granted. True Love is patient and concerned to listen to & share the pains and hurts of the other, not just bask in the joy and fun that both have together. There is a desire to know his/her circle of friends, not just restrict ourselves to each other. Last but not least, True Love knows that when one or both parties fail to do his/her part, it can begin to wither and even die. Yes, True Love is an active living thing, and without proper nuturing, care and attention, it can also die.

The above are my own thoughts, based entirely on my own life experiences from 1st time I loved someone (from SG) to the 1 PRC and several TGs I have spend wonderful & sad moments with. Finally, I think I have found My True Love. I hope both of us will continue tirelessly to nurture it, that we may never ever let it die.

[freedom]

i understand that but all my friend have try but dont seen to work out.
to be frank sg girl i got a bit of lost hope on them

[free]

Originally Posted by freedom

if there was true love
most of the lonely guy wont be lonely

A love relationship is really what you make of it. There is no such thing as only ONE Mr Right or Miss Right. There are many around us that definitely fulfill some of our "ideals" and if we are really interested and want a relationship badly enough, we can be the Mr/Miss Right for at least a couple of these possible ones and some will respond.

For example I have a very good pal in Chiangrai and she is also the best from of my ex-tirak, Dancer. We have always like each other and are very comfortable with each other, whether alone (just 2 of us) or with a group of friends. In fact when I went up to CR alone on election day. just before CNY, she was the one who spend time with me, and we even go watch the Thai election counting together.

We often joke that maybe she is more suitable for me than Dancer. If I really put in the effort to pursue her after Dancer and I broke of, we could have made it. At one point we talked about it, cos all along I had know that even though she may not be as pretty as Dancer, she is a more loving and caring person, and always wanted a bf who would love her the way I had loved Dancer. And she even talked to her mum about if she falls in love with me in my presence, and her mum gave her support. Mum had been asking me if I can intro a good man to her, someone like me. What held us back was the fact that Dancer is her best friend (at least at that time) and she felt that being with me would tantamoun to a betrayal (some TGs do think that way). I respected that and nothing came out of it.

So my point is there is more than one person suitable for you, not just ONE. So for those lonely guys out there who wants to have a Miss Right, become a Mr Right yourself first. Then open your eyes, and for heaven's sake, your mouth too. That you are available and interested is not written on your forehead. If you dun express ur feelings, how would she know?

[free]

Originally Posted by freedom

i understand that but all my friend have try but dont seen to work out.
to be frank sg girl i got a bit of lost hope on them

This I must say I agree with u. SG gals I gave up long time ago already. I believe there are still great gals around, but those I know had such a high stack of unreasonable and unrealistic expectations that I dun even bother to put in the effort. Esp those that wants the 5C's and also for you to spend a lot of time and attention. No need to sleep izzit?

So look elsewhere and then found I got a soft spot of TGs, kekeke. So go fishing in the best pond where I can find the types of fishes I like - LOS itself. Here I am today

[asdfghjkl]

wow.. there is a lot of good writer here in sb.. impressed..

[shadowlunar04]

Why hold someone back... when u know u don't love them...
Why keep them to yourself... when u know you won't wanna have them?
Why let them miss other chances...when they can have them? If you really
don't love someone....le them go...hurt them NOW... not later...for a
longer relationship builds stronger emotions...

A good relationship isn't a game you play or an ego trip you take. It is
about love and two people.
Loving someone can give us the greatest joy we can ever know and it can
hurt more than we can believe too.
When it does not really hurt when that person did something disappointing
to you, but really hurts when you see that person in pain and sadness, then you know you truly love that person.

Loving someone means you should be ready to experience heartache and
happiness at the same time.That's the reward and that's the risk. Unless
we are willing to experience it, we will never really know what it's like
to love and be loved.


Sharing love is probably the most valuable and meaningful experience a
person can ever have.And there's a difference between being in love with
someone and loving someone.
It's the difference between a love that's fickle,wild and short-lived
and one that's tender and passionate,nurturing and lasts a long time. The
first is easy.


The second, the one that really matters to all of us,takes work because
it's about keeping a relationship.
Loving someone takes efforts. We have to be able to communicate with
each other. Nobody can read anyone else's mind. We always presume that our partner knows what we think and feel. Maybe in time we might be able to
predict or sense each other's thoughts but it's
never perfect and takes time to develop. Getting the chance to love and
be loved by someone is blessed.

Respect him/her for who he/she is, and not what you want him/her to be.
Everyone is pretty and special in his/her own special way. No one is
perfect. It is true love which closes the gap of imperfectness to form a smooth
surface of acceptance for each other.
True love sees and accepts a person for who he/she is. It is also true
love which makes a person change for the better. The power of true love to a
person is undeniable.


A relationship needs commitments too. What is love without commitments
from each other anyway? It's like principles and values. Everyone has them
but they only mean as much as we are willing to stand for them.
The same goes for our commitments to relationships, and the person we
love.

"Love is like an antique vase. It's hard to find,hard to net, but easy
to break."

Every day everywhere, people fall in love ... but just how many of these
relationships are self-sacrificing love, and not just relationships
which are formed only for the intense! feeling of falling in love? I know
hundreds of friends who say the magical words "I love you"... but more
often than not, the truth is just I am IN love with you.


There is a difference between being in love with someone and loving
someone. If a person says he/she is in love with you, he/she means that
he/she likes you for who you are now and he/she fell in love with you
because of the present you. This kind of love is temporary and lasts only as long as the fairytale lasts.

When fairy godmother comes in at midnight to whirl us back to reality,
we see the heartache of such a relationship... where both were only IN love
with each other. But if a person says he/she loves you, he/she means that
he/she loves you unconditionally for who you are now, who you were in the
past and who you might be in the future.

When he/she says he/she loves you and really means it,you have to ask yourself if you love him/her too or if you're in love with the idea of being in love. It is very hard to see the difference through logical thinking. Let your heart guide u. May you be blessed on your soul-searching journey for your soul mate.


ARE YOU REALLY IN LOVE? ASK YOURSELF!

Is this true love? Do I really love him/her? Or izzit just another
infatuation? R U willing to give? Even though you may not get back the
same amount you gave?

R U cheating yourself? Thinking that you really love him/her and not
just taking him/her as a substitute for your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?
Friends, let today be the day....... you truly understand love.......
If after reading this and answering all the questions,you are very sure
that you love him/her,tell him/her that. Let him/her know how much you
love him/her and that you are willing to take the risks of being hurt by
him/her in the course of the development
of your relationship with him/her. This is a love that's sacrificial, R
U ready for it? If you accept someone's philosophy that is simply their
rationalisation to justify their failure, you accept their failures!"

**The greatest regrets in our lives are the risks we did not take.**
If you think something will make you happy, go for it.
**Remember that we pass this way only once.**

[freedom]

Originally Posted by free

This I must say I agree with u. SG gals I gave up long time ago already. I believe there are still great gals around, but those I know had such a high stack of unreasonable and unrealistic expectations that I dun even bother to put in the effort. Esp those that wants the 5C's and also for you to spend a lot of time and attention. No need to sleep izzit?

So look elsewhere and then found I got a soft spot of TGs, kekeke. So go fishing in the best pond where I can find the types of fishes I like - LOS itself. Here I am today

i agree with you too but where we will find them.
if not all are been taken up