Advise Needed for a HeartBroken Man

[tamtam]

Thank bro,

For your kind advise, actually i m done with her already, just that certain lady are hard to forget, most i can hum and bye.

But she is kind of special to me.

I have move on and are happy with my new adventures now.

[ludified]

Hi TS,

I would like to share my some of my thoughts with you on your situation. I would first like to qualify that what I think may not be what is socially acceptable or morally correct. Seeing things happened throughout my life has made me wonder why are we bothered about what others think and see us most of the time, and we tend to make decisions so as to avoid others thinking negatively...

Anyways, back to the agenda, if I follow your thread correctly, 4 parties come into play here. Your daughter, Ms 18 yr old, your ex-wife and yourself.

I have to agree that whatever decision you have made will definately affect your daughter and as a father I am sure she plays a big role in your day to day decision making. Look at the other side of the coin, if you and your wife were still together, I am quite certian that the communication will be minimal as like you mentioned there was already no love between you and her. This would have an impact on how she sees a family should be, as children contantly look up to their parents as role models. For good or bad this would carry with them all the way till they grow up and evetually have a family of their own.

As for the 18 yr old. The time you both started to get close was when he had broke up with his bf. During the time when they were together, he was abussive towards her and you were always there. She found the care and concern that she had never had from you. As 18 yr old, this form of care and concern can be abit fuzzy and gradually be mistaken as love. Asking you to wait for her is selfish on her part. She wants to keep you in cold storage for he time being while she enjoys her feast. When it runs out, you will be taken out from cold storage. But remember all things have expiry dates. You found out the truth yourself which means she had the intention of hiding from you. And her bf might not even know of your existence. You could be meeting her other needs (maybe monetary) and hence the holding on.

For your ex-wife, since your already divorce, no point looking back, always asked your why you made that decision and look at all the factors in place, ask yourself again, given the same scenario would you have made the same decision. Move on and hope that she is doing well.

Lastly, my thoughts to you are actually in the starting. And this is always the fact, we spend time thinking about what others will see and we longer see our own interest as he main concern. Therefore I have actually put my message to you in he first para.

Good luck. Just all my 5 cents worth of thoughts.

[naturegreen]

Originally Posted by see see only

Hey Ts,

Time is the best medicine for r/s broke down ...

Hope you learn something after this incident and create a charactor with your values and past experiences .... after these failed r/s

That's no use moaning for the past, move forward, make yourself a better man and be the RIGHT man for your next r/s or next partner or even your ex-wife after batching things up ........... just my little advice.

Totally agree.

[sootongs]

Firstly, advice. You should take a tub of cold water and wake yourself up. You have been led by a teen, talk about small head over big head. Cause and effect. You laid the cause now feel the effects, no way to escape. Like many bros here said, move on and please think of your daughter as she is innocent. But I guess too late.

[hiretuja]

I thank all brothers and sisters who have kindly replied to my thread. Many words of encouragement, enlightenment, not forgetting the harsh ones.

Some replies really make me wake up to face the harsh truth (Bro tamtam, ludified, to name a few).

My heart tells me to be a hopeless romantic and stay. Wait for her. Believe in fate. But my mind has made and Im moving on. No point waiting for someone who is in love with someone else.

And like many bros here state, she is young, and doesnt know the meaning of love entirely. Heck, even if she is in another relationship, I strongly believe its just 'monkey love'

And like others point out, she is still 18, God knows what she is going to be when she hits 20s. Full of men. More choice. Me? Bah.

If its meant to be, she will come back to me and prove her love to me. Else, I will be jetting off to places, sipping pina colada by the beaches and checking out the local chicks there. Huhuhu

Once again. Thank you guys for the advices.

Peace.