heartbroken wife

[rtmFRs]

TS,

what were you expecting ? you seem to be waiting for your dream

life is not about what u are getting but what you are "GOING(OUT)" to get


get going...

[Botakhead]

Originally Posted by Ladyrain

Ts, you wrote your own answer in your post.
Either you try with all your might to contribute for the family and hope one day he sees and appreciate you for it and thus become a better man or you leave this marriage.
He is not ready to commit and take responsibility like a man yet.

You are also very experienced in this kind os situation.

[Botakhead]

There are many instances regarding this kind of situations and mostly all these outcome are the same, one sided suffering and more sufferings for the rest of life.

Many wifes rather suffer in silence and endure, mainly bcause for the sake of the child, and after sometime until the pot is filled with remorse and regrets spilling over the brim then they realised that they should have had ended the relationship long ago and make good with whatever rest of life they can look forward to.

The choice is always there for you to choose, make a wise one for both your and your childs future.

Wish you all the best.

[buaya18]

Originally Posted by coolmon

Dear TS

IMHO, the fact that he wanted you to abort the baby proves that he only wants your body but not a relationship. Move on, don’t cry over spill milk.

Wish you find a better man.

Totally agree with u bro!

[ilwtmlabnn]

Originally Posted by youre

Hi all.. I'm sharing my story here as I really have no one to tell to. It's the best place where no one judges me and my relationship.

I'm married and have a very cute kid whom I adore very much. I love or loved my husband very much and really do want us to work out beautifully. I believe I'm a good woman but my husband doesn't realize that nor treasure me. I'm very hurt by all his actions and lack thereof .

I was still studying when I got pregnant. He wanted me to abort but I said I wanted the baby even if you didn't want me. We eventually rom-ed and I completed my studies. Thereafter I stayed home to care for the baby. We weren't staying together and through the pregnancy period I was already lacking emotional affection. I didn't mind not having any fancy dinner or wedding gown or whatever but all I thought I would have would be a great hubby who treats me and baby lovingly. That was all I needed. I could be happy eating plain rice. But after giving birth, my husband didn't provide the emotional and physical support that was needed from my partner as a new father and husband. That alone saddened me deeply but my heart was not broken. It only broke into a zillion pieces when I found out he's been lying to me as well. I don't think he cheated in the sense he made love to someone else, but the betrayal felt like it. A knife stabbed in your back is still a knife stabbed in your back.

The more you love someone, the more hurt you feel when the trust is broken. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe this actually happened to me. He, whom I love so very much could actually bear to hurt me like this.

Any advice? I have tried to tell him and communicate with him, but everytime only gets worse. Should I just continue to be good woman and not voice out to him anymore. It seems the only way for this relationship to continue. Do men just grow up with time? Or does maturity whether natural or forced not apply to the male species.

Hello. Sorry to hear about your situation. No doubt there is some issues about the communication between the two of you. You mentioned that you "have tried to tell him and communicate with him, but everytime only gets worse". Sometimes talking doesnt help as it requires an instant reply without much time allowance to think through and if one is unable to respond, he or she will just brush it off or make things worse. In this case, you might want to pen down your thoughts, feelings and whatever you want to tell/ask your husband. Allow him to read through and give him some time to think through and sort out his thoughts.

The fact that you are posting this suggested that this issue has been taking its toil on you and I dont think that letting this relationship go on this way helps. It will be tough on you mentally. Do talk to your close friends, siblibgs or even your parents. These are people who will stand by you when you need help and im sure they wont be judging you. I do understand that sometimes it's really hard to talk to someone in the family about your personal matter, but it does help a lot.

Do give yourself and your husband some time to work things out. Changes dont happen overnight, it takes some time. But if things dont work out, you might have to reconsider this relationship I guess. End of the day, you might want to ask yourself if you are happier with or without him. No one knows the answer to that better than you yourself. I hope you will eventually sort out your thoughts and that you husband will change for the better. All the best!

[cmelater]

TS,

I just felt compelled to reply. I grew up in a single parent family. When young, I never appreciate my mum. Always bickering with her or not talking to her. I used to hang out with a gal which she didn't approve of. We fought over and over it for months. There were many episodes like this. I could almost visualise how much frustration she had, when she had to deal with me. Today, all these are past.

With mum being paralysed, I do wish I can turn back the clock and have a good meal with her, so that I can hear her complain and whine. Sigh.... That's life. We always do not cherish those things dearest to us, until we lose it. Wish she will be in better hands someday.

Its a challenging process, as one forumer mentioned. Its a fact that bringing up a kid is expensive and the greatest sacrifice is the time and youth you have today. And, imbuing the "right" values is another heart aching process.

At times, I'm thankful that (by some twist of fate) I grew up not too bad with the drive to strive for better income and more wealth. I don't depend on my folks for payouts. Yet, its not unimaginable if the opposite occurs.

Parenthood is something which you must want ... a lot. If you are "half half" over it, then its lagi worse. I seen many friends. Some are young and some older. At some point in time, these friends (who are married with kids) do turn around to curse and swear over their kids not growing up and learning the "right" things. Seen many and including a friend who walked away from his kid. Not forgetting, couples drifting apart due to the kid. There are many issues arising from that one process "parenthood".

Its a heart aching process and a very long one. My family gp always tell me not to think and just have first. What many people forget to realise and remember is that this is a life long process. It doesn't end after the kid goes out to work. It goes beyond that.

Since years back, I had the privilege to work in education institutes. Its a fact that you must want to be a parent, in order for this to work. No public holidays or time off at all.

Either way to keep or not, its also a tough decision. But, if you keep, make it count. Do it for the reasons that you believe in and you will continue to believe... today, tomorrow and forever and ever. Its never easy. When you stumble and fall, think back on the same reasons.

Finally, there is no shame in being a single parent. Just be sure you are ready for it.

[linrx]

.. Which is why when many years after first studying basic Buddhism.. you see this Buddha left many years of articulations that He referred as dharma, He says that if anybody harms his/her parents he/she will end up in hell - while totally agreeing about the importance of parenthood, the difficulty of it all, yet this thing known as 'hell' became an utter joke a decade later - single parents or what have we, saying that "I asked for it" sometimes can be quite hurtful, still the truth at times is just this, "I deserve this myself".

[crazyivan6636]

He's most probably let it go without thinking of the consequences while you were both studying and have to now come to terms with the responsbility.

Its the best for you and the kid to walk away from the current marriage and start a new. You are still young and can work. Find someone else perhaps someone who is within the age range of 30s to take care of you.

Always remember the next time to have a box of Postinor-2 beside you or if in your case as you had given birth before, put on an IUD to prevent the same mistakes.

[MoJoe313]

Quite amazed a few asked TS to abandon her marriage when there is a child involved. May I ask those who suggested it if they are parents themselves?

[Botakhead]

Originally Posted by MoJoe313

Quite amazed a few asked TS to abandon her marriage when there is a child involved. May I ask those who suggested it if they are parents themselves?

If you wanted to carry on the rest of your life with a irresponsible husband who dun gives a shit to whoever you are, then be prepared to suffer in silence and be ridiculed for being a idiot. Marriage needs to have both partners to give their best to make it work.

Thinking and putting the child's future as the main priority, but also do not neglect a young mother who dun get the love she deserves from this kind of husband. Sad it may be, but it is the reality.

[coolmon]

Originally Posted by MoJoe313

Quite amazed a few asked TS to abandon her marriage when there is a child involved. May I ask those who suggested it if they are parents themselves?

Do you know how horrifying it is to grow up in a family that both parents nerve talk but quarrel. Mother cries almost everyday. Father hated the child because his freedom is limited all because of the child. Worst, there may be physical contact. Trust me, I know.

It is better to grow up in a single parent family than in a family full of hates.

[Greendevil]

Hi TS, I believe you are still young and as many samster that offer their POV, you are the one who dig up the hole and bury yourself in it. the signs were clear all the while, from pregnacy till now, but probably you were blinded by your love and own belief.

i think what most impt now is plan for yourself and your baby. you still young, and have many tens of years ahead of you. divorce may not be an entirely bad thing. if he gives consent once you brought this up, probably it the way to go as it may have been lingering on his mind for long.

and yes, there are a second life after divorce. i not saying it an easy road, but you will need a lot of support, especially from your parents and friends. it also probably better off for your child to grown up on a single side family than a broken family. the child will be more independent and mature rather than a broken faily where you are too busy jungling your own emotion and maybe putting bread on the table and left little or no time on your child. at least, in a single family, you may free up your emotion burden and have more time and energy to spend on your child.

For some who may not agree, this is only my own opinion and i respect your opinion as well, no right or wrong. but this is coming from someone who have divorce with a child (yes i have the custody and i a MAN), re-married and never regret a single day from all the decision. in fact, i am happier off than before.

[MoJoe313]

Originally Posted by Botakhead

If you wanted to carry on the rest of your life with a irresponsible husband who dun gives a shit to whoever you are, then be prepared to suffer in silence and be ridiculed for being a idiot. Marriage needs to have both partners to give their best to make it work.

Thinking and putting the child's future as the main priority, but also do not neglect a young mother who dun get the love she deserves from this kind of husband. Sad it may be, but it is the reality.

May I ask politely whether you are a parent? We owe it to TS to avail such info to her to make a wise decision. Thanks.

[MoJoe313]

Originally Posted by coolmon

Do you know how horrifying it is to grow up in a family that both parents nerve talk but quarrel. Mother cries almost everyday. Father hated the child because his freedom is limited all because of the child. Worst, there may be physical contact. Trust me, I know.

It is better to grow up in a single parent family than in a family full of hates.

I grew up in a broken family. My parents divorced. They quarrelled everyday and fought even with kitchen knives. May I ask politely whether you are a parent? We owe it to TS to avail such info to her to make a wise decision. Thanks.

Btw, I am a parent now of many kids.

[youre]

Hi everyone, thank you for taking the time to reply me. Its very considerate and I appreciate the sincerity.

For the most of it, I agree. In fact, I have thought through most of mentioned here myself. I understand it's best to find a new life for myself as most mentioned. But I once heard a saying ' back in my time, when something's broken we fix it; we don't go find a new one.'

Dear jhonbass, yes unfortunately. I have come to realising that for a long time. Thank you for sharing the same sentiments. I changed And he didn't And there's the problem right there when a couple ain't on the same level anymore.

Dear bird13, agree. I up level doesn't mean he up level. How sad and beautiful enlightenment is. Thank you for sharing with me.

Dear mojo313, you've got the crux of the matter.
Your mojo so dope. Your advice is wise as well. Submit to win. Now, that's a clever woman.

Dear coolmon, your opinion sufficed. It might have been that way.

Dear topcook1, appreciate your sarpok! Will take into heart when needed. Its a great way to look at someone when you're leaving with a heavy heart.

Dear firejalan, Hmm. I don't remember because I'm trying to forget.

Dear porscheclub, thank you for the thoughtful post. Ah yes.. The theory of he who does not gather with me scatters. C'est la vie, such is life.
No sorries bout life.

Dear edyta, very wise indeed. No-one's going to save you at your bed & breakfast, so save yourself

Dear ladyrain, I did answer myself, didn't i? Haiz.

Dear doodoobird, men don't change. So no point in having another. At least I got that right.

Dear anowhereman, I might and might not be. In the event I'm not, I wish the best for your friend. You're a rare gem to advocate rekindling what's lost. Stay that way. Its nice.

Dear crood, yes, I've heard of that saying. Thank you for the food for thought.

Dear rtmfrs, I think it's only right to expect a good husband. No body will go into it expecting a bad husband. Expecting is equivalent to wanting to get why you want. You'll be expecting a good wife. You just never know what you gonna get. Life's a box of chocolate. Assorted with a surprise filling , that is.