heartbroken wife

youre · #1 05-02-2015, 07:39 PM

Hi all.. I'm sharing my story here as I really have no one to tell to. It's the best place where no one judges me and my relationship.

I'm married and have a very cute kid whom I adore very much. I love or loved my husband very much and really do want us to work out beautifully. I believe I'm a good woman but my husband doesn't realize that nor treasure me. I'm very hurt by all his actions and lack thereof .

I was still studying when I got pregnant. He wanted me to abort but I said I wanted the baby even if you didn't want me. We eventually rom-ed and I completed my studies. Thereafter I stayed home to care for the baby. We weren't staying together and through the pregnancy period I was already lacking emotional affection. I didn't mind not having any fancy dinner or wedding gown or whatever but all I thought I would have would be a great hubby who treats me and baby lovingly. That was all I needed. I could be happy eating plain rice. But after giving birth, my husband didn't provide the emotional and physical support that was needed from my partner as a new father and husband. That alone saddened me deeply but my heart was not broken. It only broke into a zillion pieces when I found out he's been lying to me as well. I don't think he cheated in the sense he made love to someone else, but the betrayal felt like it. A knife stabbed in your back is still a knife stabbed in your back.

The more you love someone, the more hurt you feel when the trust is broken. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe this actually happened to me. He, whom I love so very much could actually bear to hurt me like this.

Any advice? I have tried to tell him and communicate with him, but everytime only gets worse. Should I just continue to be good woman and not voice out to him anymore. It seems the only way for this relationship to continue. Do men just grow up with time? Or does maturity whether natural or forced not apply to the male species.

loveless1 · #2 06-02-2015, 08:47 AM

Sis,

If you post in any forum, you are already opening up yourself to some sort of judgement.

I think you have some idea of how to go about this relationship as your first post already indicated some options.

Must take care.

sammyboyfor · #3 06-02-2015, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by youre

Do men just grow up with time? Or does maturity whether natural or forced not apply to the male species.

Men don't grow up. They just grow old and after a while they can't rise to the occasion anymore so they are either forced to settle down or seek chemical assistance.

Johnbass · #4 06-02-2015, 09:04 AM

TS, based on this...
'... still studying when I got pregnant. He wanted me to abort but I said I wanted the baby even if you didn't want me...'

He didn't change... You did...
Or rather you started to have more expectations...
And he wasn't ready for the responsibilities...

Good luck!

BiRd13 · #5 06-02-2015, 09:09 AM

From my pov, I felt he does not really want this rs/marriage since the beginning. He may felt immature enough to have kids, and to start own responsibility. I guess you both are still young...

Which is why even after marriage, he did not do as a duty as a husband or father, as he's not ready at all.

I think still talking to him, voicing out to him, and see what he will act is important. Otherwise, it's better for you to leave him, and move on, rather than to hold on to such...

MoJoe313 · #6 06-02-2015, 09:19 AM

TS,
I assume you and your hubby are still young. Probably in your 20s. A male that age is at a boy-man phase. Strength in his arms, little in his brains. He will want to taste the world more than he wants to build a family.

You married too early. Had a kid too early.

You will, of course adore your child and wonder why he is not into it. You are built as a woman to have motherly instincts. He will struggle with career, friends and practical life, and wonder why you are not into it either. He is built as a man to provide. Herein lies the mother of all battles. Two differently built species trying to live life together.

Married couples with children go through this all the time. You find it overwhelming because you are young. Your picture of a beautiful family is becoming a harsh reality. Yes, baby is cute. We all know. But bringing one up is challenging.

My only advice is to communicate more with your hubby. Yes, you will quarrel when you do. It is almost guaranteed. You have to find a middle ground somewhere, where you don't force your views too strongly.

Above all, you should submit yourself to your hubby. It is very hard to win an argument with your man.

I reckon you will not agree because you are young and as with all young people, think you have a better way of doing it. I leave it to you to find out more about this truth in your journey.

coolmon · #7 06-02-2015, 10:23 AM

Dear TS

IMHO, the fact that he wanted you to abort the baby proves that he only wants your body but not a relationship. Move on, don’t cry over spill milk.

Wish you find a better man.

topcook1 · #8 06-02-2015, 10:44 AM

Move on.....treat him as if he is dead or missing onboard MH370...

firejalan · #9 06-02-2015, 04:16 PM

What exactly did he lie to u abt?

porscheclub · #10 06-02-2015, 08:40 PM

Well, lady. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you. What's done is too late to regret now & you need to look forward with or without him. To choose the latter, you'll need a lot of support from your immediate family because that means divorce, moving out & going into the workforce.

To stay, you have to endure many more years of toleration as his heart is never in this family but since he married you because of the child; give that child a chance.

Speak to him about the future as a family & not just the two of you but should his view of life doesn't include you and the child then move on. Both of you got on the wrong train to begin with so it's either sticking it out together with a lot of struggle or leaving on the next stop. Sorry.

Edyta · #11 06-02-2015, 09:54 PM

TS, I am a v practical person so I would say be financially independent. Have a skill, a job. You are young n road ahead very long. In the event that u decided to opt out or he wants to leave u are not at his mercy for alimony. I know u hv a kid but its still possible to go out to work by asking help fr familu or send to childcare. All the best

Ladyrain · #12 06-02-2015, 11:06 PM

Ts, you wrote your own answer in your post.
Either you try with all your might to contribute for the family and hope one day he sees and appreciate you for it and thus become a better man or you leave this marriage.
He is not ready to commit and take responsibility like a man yet.

DooDooBird · #13 06-02-2015, 11:30 PM

TS, I would suggest to move on as men don't change n still curious about the world outside (including myself)

I know difficult to accept but I think it's the best for both ur child n yourself
(My thoughts is similar to Edyta)
All the best

ANowhereMan · #14 07-02-2015, 12:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by youre

Hi all.. I'm sharing my story here as I really have no one to tell to. It's the best place where no one judges me and my relationship.

I'm married and have a very cute kid whom I adore very much. I love or loved my husband very much and really do want us to work out beautifully. I believe I'm a good woman but my husband doesn't realize that nor treasure me. I'm very hurt by all his actions and lack thereof .

I was still studying when I got pregnant. He wanted me to abort but I said I wanted the baby even if you didn't want me. We eventually rom-ed and I completed my studies. Thereafter I stayed home to care for the baby. We weren't staying together and through the pregnancy period I was already lacking emotional affection. I didn't mind not having any fancy dinner or wedding gown or whatever but all I thought I would have would be a great hubby who treats me and baby lovingly. That was all I needed. I could be happy eating plain rice. But after giving birth, my husband didn't provide the emotional and physical support that was needed from my partner as a new father and husband. That alone saddened me deeply but my heart was not broken. It only broke into a zillion pieces when I found out he's been lying to me as well. I don't think he cheated in the sense he made love to someone else, but the betrayal felt like it. A knife stabbed in your back is still a knife stabbed in your back.

The more you love someone, the more hurt you feel when the trust is broken. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe this actually happened to me. He, whom I love so very much could actually bear to hurt me like this.

Any advice? I have tried to tell him and communicate with him, but everytime only gets worse. Should I just continue to be good woman and not voice out to him anymore. It seems the only way for this relationship to continue. Do men just grow up with time? Or does maturity whether natural or forced not apply to the male species.

You sound like someone I know.
I think its important to rekindle what is lost, and think about, the future.
Sis, I believe what you seek is also emotional support. Jiayou

crood · #15 07-02-2015, 03:20 AM

U heard of this idiom?
'You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink'?

U can't change others but u can definitely change your own mentality.

Like all bros here, I agreed with them. Don't waste time on your hb anymore. People who cling on to false hope and live in the past will only cause misery to themselves.

Lower your expectations, 0 expectation = 0 disappointment

U make the decision to keep your child, put all your hope on him instead. At the very least, a child can reciprocate a mother's love.