Needing POV from a man's perspective

[jazp]

Not easy but its better to find one with similar level of sex drive. otherwise, either will have to compromise.

Since you have the tool, that's your way of compromising. Just take having the real thing as a bonus (hopefully not once in a year kind of bonus), and use your ex boyfriend's gift to satisfy yourself on days he can't.

Whether to compromise or not is a decision you must make as early as possible. Time is limited. Make the decision and move ahead. Women's age is like a flower. The period of blossom is short. That's what I told my ex when I decided to let her go after I found we aren't compatible (besides the sex department). She's a good girl and deserve to have a compatible companion.

xxxxx

[4554551n]

Meryl, you may be able to put up with this less than ideal arrangement for a few months. But can you put up with this for a year? 2 years, 3? A lifetime?

A few months or years down the road, especially when the infatuation fades, you will get bored, resentful, unfulfilled, tempted. And when you are tempted, you may cheat on him, causing you to feel shame and guilt. And if/when he finds out, the relationship is going to blow up. You'll feel all the worse for it. You'll feel like a bad person. You may get depressed. What for?

End it sooner rather than later. The pain you'll feel is nothing compared to what the both of you will feel when he finds out you're cheating or that he can't satisfy you. And by then, it may be too late for you/him (more so you) to find a new partner anyway.

A mismatch in sex drive is a fucking big deal that can blow up a relationship. I myself cannot stand prudes or women with low sex drive. It wouldn't work out in the long run. I'll move on if i were you.

[SEAJ]

TS - Not many things in life are absolute black or white and as one gains experience, one is happy to accept shades of grey when there is no clear choice.

BUT…. The key to all inter-personal relationships is communications; and to specifically insist that such lines of communications be always maintained. Best to set ground rules for communications on sensitive topics such as what you are now facing as a couple and I suggest that you must insist on a frank, balanced and structured discourse.

You know your own priorities and I suggest you first actually write these down by its order of importance to yourself (Think, think hard about its order of importance!), and you also insist that he do the same. After you both have drawn up your individual lists and had a good long thought about it over several days (YES, days, as you’d be surprised how things gain or lose its importance as you really ponder on it), sit down seriously as if in a business meeting with each other. Go through both lists to figure out if there are ways to accommodate each other’s wants and needs….. and if it’s worth it for both of you to still want to make a go of your relationship. Compromise, empathy and respect for each other works best.

Doing the above rationally will either lead to a total break-up – which is more than OK as it’s a RATIONAL DECISION for both of you - or if not, a much better relationship based upon actually knowing the basis of such. The one thing I would strongly suggest you NOT do is to let this matter, which apparently is bothering you LOTS, to just continue to fester.

And errr….. pondering your question on a sex board ain’t gonna do anything to alleviate your quandary. And what’s “Other Guys” thinking got anything to do with your partner? It’s what HE thinks/feel that matters MOST! And what YOUR own feelings are.

Just IMHO with best wishes to you for good luck as you go on the hard slog that life is.
SEAJ

[leakypipes]

Originally Posted by meryllexoxo

Hi all, I new here and yes, I am
2) he is now facing low sex drive as he is always tired and do not have much feel.

I know he is not cheating for sure so that reason is out.

I didn't read other's replies in full. But I note this point abt your man being tired in particular. Is he on any medication? Is he very stressed at work?

I suffered from depression, and it killed my sexdrive. The meds made it worse. It wasn't until I relax again and worry less about things that I enjoy sex again.

Another concern is if he has not had extensive sexual experiences, he may not know himself how to learn to pleasure you. He just assume nothing wrong with his approach.

Good luck, and hope you find a way to bring your man level up.

[pleasurehobby]

Originally Posted by meryllexoxo

Hi all, I'm new here and yes, I am a female I chanced upon this forum because duh, its like the most popular forum in sg on sex topics etc.

Just a short background and needing advises from the guys.

My partner is 28 y.o and we hit off quite well but the only thing that keeps me wondering a lot is that our sex is almost like once a month and often he just rushes to thrust inside. Without giving me any foreplay or pleasure me before he goes in.

When I asked him about it, he told me that

1) he has very little experience to make a girl orgasm by fingering, even if he had did in the past with his ex-es, they were pretty quick to get high and orgasm. And he told me I was hard to please.

2) he is now facing low sex drive as he is always tired and do not have much feel.

I know he is not cheating for sure so that reason is out.

I also know that I am not hard to please because my ex who is patient and makes sure i get orgasm from fingering before the sex. it takes me about 10 mins or so to get the orgasm.

I am also not a bad sex partner because i know how to pleasure my man well. however, my current simply do not have the patience or mood to make me pleasure before the sex. and the sex is so little and not enjoyable, i am really craving for more from him.

I just want to know if any of the guys here also faces the same issue?

Most probably he has been looking or fantasising other girls for the other hours of the day, and when he sees you, you are just a piece sexy flesh to him to release his urge.

Which means, the love is not really there. Any guy who love you would be willing to spend all the time needed for you to reach orgasm, kiss you tendering and caress you for hours.

[Rickey]

Originally Posted by pleasurehobby

Most probably he has been looking or fantasising other girls for the other hours of the day, and when he sees you, you are just a piece sexy flesh to him to release his urge.

Which means, the love is not really there. Any guy who love you would be willing to spend all the time needed for you to reach orgasm, kiss you tendering and caress you for hours.

Believe wat bro pleasurehobby says here is quite true...if you are very keen & hv the love & passion for something you would normally go all out for it w/o the need for any prompting watsoever !...just my 2 cents worth of tots

[kjjsexy]

Originally Posted by leakypipes

I didn't read other's replies in full. But I note this point abt your man being tired in particular. Is he on any medication? Is he very stressed at work?

I suffered from depression, and it killed my sexdrive. The meds made it worse. It wasn't until I relax again and worry less about things that I enjoy sex again.

Another concern is if he has not had extensive sexual experiences, he may not know himself how to learn to pleasure you. He just assume nothing wrong with his approach.

Good luck, and hope you find a way to bring your man level up.

Hi, how do u know u r having depression? How does it kill your sex drive? In that u no longer sexually desire your partner and rather DIY? Can u share with me the symptoms? I'm suspecting my hubby to hv tt as well. Bc he doesn't seem interested in sexing and is making it v routine n mechanical and doesn't bother pleasing me during foreplay.

[kjjsexy]

Originally Posted by pleasurehobby

Most probably he has been looking or fantasising other girls for the other hours of the day, and when he sees you, you are just a piece sexy flesh to him to release his urge.

Which means, the love is not really there. Any guy who love you would be willing to spend all the time needed for you to reach orgasm, kiss you tendering and caress you for hours.

What if the hubby is v responsible and really love the wife and kids? What kind of love is tt then? The love u hv mentioned may also be lust for the woman and not true love, isn't it?

[StewieRules]

Originally Posted by kjjsexy

The love u hv mentioned may also be lust for the woman and not true love, isn't it?

This is very true also

[BiRd13]

Seems like he is rushing into fuck or penetration...

Suggest you try to talk to him about such. That you prefer more foreplay beforehand.

Sex include of foreplay and penetration...

In a way, I felt that he is not the one for you. Somehow felt that he only want to fuck, and get himself sextisfy. And never think about what his partner felt or think.

Communication is the key to a success relationship. If after talking/communicating and still does not improve or help, you have to consider giving up on these, and find a better one. Or to continue this kind of relationship, whereby your sex life won't be happy.

Won't really suggest to seek 'Ex' to satisfy your needs. Ex is there because it's a past tense. I always felt so =X

Won't really suggest you to find a FB outside your relationship as well. It's not fair to yourself, and the partner. Trust me. 100% guy will say they don't mind such. Free Fuck leh. Who don't want? You ask me, I also will say I don't mind =P

I guessed most will prefer to find a long term partner, than a short term one. Fucking with a 'bf/gf' is always better than fucking with a 'fb'. That's my thinking la.

So unless you plan to give up your current relationship, otherwise, don't have the single thoughts to find one to satisfy your needs.

Best of luck!

[clapton]

Hi Sis, from what I feel, the reason very simple, he somehow no feel on you already.

He only 28 and tired of sex? No chance lar. When age 28 I almost DIY everyday and go fuck every 2 day...

For me I suggest you to move on lar. Really, no feel is no feel, nth can help one.

[larue]

Originally Posted by kjjsexy

Hi, how do u know u r having depression? How does it kill your sex drive? In that u no longer sexually desire your partner and rather DIY? Can u share with me the symptoms? I'm suspecting my hubby to hv tt as well. Bc he doesn't seem interested in sexing and is making it v routine n mechanical and doesn't bother pleasing me during foreplay.

Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.

Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.

Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.

Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).

Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.

Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.

Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.

Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.

Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.

Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.

It's not hard to find out if someone is clinically depressed. Most people just never notice, and people who are depressed frequently aren't aware or in complete denial because their brains have completely retreated into a world of its own. You should talk to your husband to find out and seek treatment if necessary.

Originally Posted by kjjsexy

What if the hubby is v responsible and really love the wife and kids? What kind of love is tt then? The love u hv mentioned may also be lust for the woman and not true love, isn't it?

Love is the sum of different parts indeed. In the final analysis, it's how much one would sacrifice for another, on a daily basis, or when crunch time comes. It's up to the individual to decide how much is enough.

[leakypipes]

Originally Posted by kjjsexy

Hi, how do u know u r having depression? How does it kill your sex drive? In that u no longer sexually desire your partner and rather DIY? Can u share with me the symptoms? I'm suspecting my hubby to hv tt as well. Bc he doesn't seem interested in sexing and is making it v routine n mechanical and doesn't bother pleasing me during foreplay.

Depression causes you to lose interest in things you normally enjoy. I knew when I realise I really hate life and living for no reason.

Drugs, some of the ones used to treat depression can kill sex drive as side effect. Excited also can't stand.

Monitor your hubby. If more than a few weeks he seems sian everyday, high chance he is depressed.

[NetRodent]

You just need some incentive to entice him to get what you want.

Ask him to give you a good fingering or lick, you will promise give him a mindblowing BJ, perhaps a CIM. Or perhaps a wild cowgirl...

If he gotten a best ever BJ with CIM from you, he will repeat and repeat until it become a SOP.

Some nice praises from you about his "outstanding" skills will boost his ego.. some white lies works wonders.. tell him how skillful he is in fingering or other forms of foreplay,etc etc... best ever lick, or none of your ex perform as good...

Surely he will continue and try to improve his skills/

But don't let down on your incentive, he still look forward to be pleased.


I too, become less passionate when my gf stopped giving me BJ while she still being demanding.. and I believed many guys same same mentality..


PS: The above won't work when he no longer emotionally involved with you.