The Price of My stupidity

misallocated · #1 21-10-2010, 08:04 PM

Hi dear bro's out there,

the following experience of mine serves neither as a warning or as a precautionary tale. I'm writing this so as to better sort out my inner feelings and emotions.

In retrospect, I do not think that I am a person filled with lust and horniness. I have a steady girlfriend whom I intend to marry soon. But, just like any man out there, I do have the ocassional wants and needs to try something/someone else.

Till date, my forays into the commercial scene have been limited to KTV outings, massages with happy endings and some Freelancers. All in, I estimate that I would have had commercial sex with 10 to maybe 15 different sex workers over the last 3 years.

One common occurence amongst all of them is that I always use protection. Even for a blowjob, nothing goes barebacked. I guess that the sex education in our school system has played its part and I am a firm believer in safe sex, regardless paid or not, young or old. Till now....

I hooked up recently with a certain Freelance massuse whom I shall not reveal her name or details,to protect her's and my privacy. She's famous for giving top notch massages and ends it off with a decent handjob along with some roaming, top only. Also, she's known for NOT providing any blowjobs or sex to new or regular customers though my understanding is that some bros out that have tried.

Sometime this week, I arranged for a session with her. I am a pretty chatty guy being in the sales industry and after a number of sessions, we had become pretty accustomed and friendly so it was easy talking to her.After the massage, she continued with her handjob but somehow, this time, things were different.

Emotions ran high, I wasn't thinking straight , neither was she I think, one thing led to another she said it would be nice to have sex after such a long time. Thing was, there wasn't a condom around. Not being able to think straight, I just did it raw. Yeap, raw. Dumb as hell, you practise 3 years worth of safe sex and throw it out of the window in one session.

She allowed me to come inside, saying her period had just ended and it should be safe. Guess what ? yeap, came in her. Another dumb move. So thats 2 dumb moves in a row.

Why am I worried ? On the drive back, I was thinking...f**k..she says she doesn't do it with anyone. How the hell would I know if she did ? Even if not with her customers, what about her husband back in her hometown? He might not have been keeping it in his pants while she's away right?

She allowed me to do it raw and come inside probably says the either of 2 things. She's either very confident that Im safe and clean or she has really bad sex education knowledge. Either ways, it does nothing for me.

RIght now, I've got a headache, abit of sore throat, which I don't know whether to attribute to the f**king haze or have I really got it ? The dread A word....

I've been reading up, the risk of HIV increases during menstruation, and I definitely saw some blood stains on the towel after the dumb act. I was in her for less than 2 mins max , cause the handjob prior had gotten me seriously aroused and pumped up. Still is that even a consolation or redeeming factor ?

Yeap, I know, get tested. After so much reading , I know exactly where, how, the procedures to get tested. I will go get tested. But I can only do it in a one month time and further confirm the results in 3 months. How the fuck is time going to pass with all the pessimistic thoughts running through my head ?

I'm fucked....

Stupidity comes with a fucking price....deal with it.

Will be updating my post detailing my thoughts and feelings as the day goes by....just to string them into words I guess....

Take care guys.

slickdick87 · #2 22-10-2010, 11:07 AM

Bro u got go check up? R u tested Positive?

kgbkgb · #3 22-10-2010, 11:08 AM

meanwhile, pl abstain. if not, condom is a must. u dun wanna put anyone else at risk.

sammyboyfor · #4 22-10-2010, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slickdick87

Bro u got go check up? R u tested Positive?

Are you some sort of moron or what?

Can't you read?

Quote:

Originally Posted by misallocated

Yeap, I know, get tested. After so much reading , I know exactly where, how, the procedures to get tested. I will go get tested. But I can only do it in a one month time and further confirm the results in 3 months. How the fuck is time going to pass with all the pessimistic thoughts running through my head ?

thedocisin · #5 22-10-2010, 12:06 PM

bro,

sorry to hear bout that man.
if it hasn't been 3 days you might want to consider going on HIV PEP.
http://www.drtanandpartners.com/ther...cept%e2%80%a6/

otherwise you can consider getting the HIV PCR or P24 done.
can put your mind at ease without having to wait 3 months.

good luck to you bro. keep us posted.

keiji · #6 22-10-2010, 12:07 PM

Dear Bro,

The coughs may be due to the haze, HIV or AIDS wont show that soon, it takes a while before the signs show. Cool bro..

cheers!

nokia88 · #7 22-10-2010, 12:36 PM

There was a time after aroused i was without a condom after massage . Quickly dress up go downstairs buy and went back into room with it . No doubt more troublesome but its for the benefit of both of us .

Now i always carry 1 with me . Take care bro .

ilovesingapore · #8 22-10-2010, 01:10 PM

there is no such thing as 100% safe sex even with CD!!!

RealEstateGuy · #9 22-10-2010, 01:16 PM

Brother, I don't seem to be the most popular guy on this forum due to advocating safe sex and more importantly a complete lifestyle change away from promiscuous activity. It goes against the culture here, especially on some of the sub thread discussions, but I really hope you will be OK and let this be a learning experience for yourself and others, including myself, that sex is not a game. I mean brother the intensity of the moment is like an euphoric drunk state and when on the kind of high you were on causes one to lose common sense. Brother, I hope you will be OK and keep sane for the time being. The principal way to avoid this prospectively is to avoid such situations. SG society is falling apart and at its seams with rampant promiscuity beyond the conventional.

superleo · #10 22-10-2010, 01:34 PM

Bro, dont worry about it, illness can be cured with medication and aids is very unlikely unless you are so suay!

What is more scary is that she tell you that she is pregnant with your child a month later. Then HOW! This will turn you up side down man!

johnhandsome · #11 22-10-2010, 06:00 PM

huh..next time pls think twice before you do that... life is precious!

gills001 · #12 22-10-2010, 08:37 PM

Bro, god bless you.. Hope eventually it's negative..

woot · #13 23-10-2010, 01:49 AM

i feel you dude, had the same experience but this time it was no fault of mine since i always do it with the condom on but the damn thing burst so i couldn't sleep for ages.

What i did was get one of those portable aids test kits and booked the girl for another time and did a test on her which proved negative.

I followed this up with a test of my own a few months back which was also negative.

Since then l've been very careful but sometimes in the heat of moment i guess one can do some stupid shit.

take care!

Martell99 · #14 23-10-2010, 03:24 AM

bro pray hard hope everything is ok... most important is dun do it wif yr gf during dis period of time until you are confirm safe, i'm sure you dun wish to hurt her rite...
anyway bro relax la not so heng 1st time will kenna... hope you learn from dis lesson dun let yr little bro control you...

misallocated · #15 23-10-2010, 09:48 PM

Dear Bro's

thanks for the kind words and advice (yes boss sammyboy, I noticed that you place particular emphasis on this word, hence the need to underline

In fact, one bro gave a brillant, out-of-my-box idea about buying the test kit and getting the FL massuse to test for HIV. I really think thats a great idea, I would love to proceed with it but the thing is, how do I put it across to her ?

I like to think that I have high EQ and it seems to me that if I ask her to test, it would seem that I don't trust her and she might even deem it insulting since she has reiterated to her customers and on the forums that she DOES NOT do FJs.

Its not like there's any emtional entanglement involved, but I wouldn't want to piss her off and end up having to wait for another nail-biting 3 weeks.

So i'm sure that there has to be a nice and tacit way to put my message across without pissing her off since technically, she can help alleviate some of my worries for awhile but I need some creative ways to ask her.

Help needed here brothers.

An update on my emotional and physical well-being. Emotions wise, my nerves are a wreck. I have to continue being my normal gregarious self with my parents, gfs, colleauges , friends and customers and it is draining me. Try faking a smile and cracking jokes when your mind is constantly going," what the f**k have I done to myself ??!!!"

Part of my job involves entertaining my clients, bring them out for drinks at KTVs etc and the girls there do not interest me one bit at all....I would rather stay home and mope about what i stupidly did and how is it gonna affect my loved ones ? I mean, what the hell are they gonna say about me at the fucking funeral ???

Physical-wise, yes I know that symptoms do not kick in early, but still , the headaches have progressed to fevers and a flu , could be due to the weather, but , is it too much of a concidence ? I read that there's a possibility of a high fever in 3 weeks so I'm counting down but trying my best to lead a healthy lifestyle to try and prevent it from coming so as to falsely take it as a sign that things are gonna be allright.

Went to visit my new place with my GF today, great place, great facilities. She was decribing how she wants to do up the place, where's our dog gonna sleep , showing me her shortlisted IDs, cause it was over first place and she's really enthusiastic. My heart had the "sour" feeling. If things do go wrong, how to tell her ? How do i tell someone that I'm gonna ruin her life plans ?

Once again, im fucked. Nice.