help or advice needed

[sammygirlgirl]

Hi bros , I have been married for ten years, throughout this ten years we seldom have sex as my wife does nit like it and also partly she is very sensitive,touch abit n she keep laughing.

this ten years she seldom spend time with me,always with her mother n our daughter.me always last priority and when she makes decision, she does not ask or consult me.when her uncle aunyie need help she how busy also go down..but just no time for me.
if I do stuff she dun like will scold me and keep saying things to put me down..last year my cousin need help with his studies n ask her,she ask me to help instead and so I went,my cousin also have a lady classmate that needs help so I taught both of them,sevond and third time of teaching,cousin cant make it so I taught the girl alone and wife suggested divorce
which was eventually resolve after talking to church counsellor,shd agree to spend more time with me which after two months go back to old days...
recently her uncle son run into debt and ask to borrow 15k from her and she wanted to help,i quarrel with her and she say ok 5k onky,i found out a week later she borrowed 6k..when she works,she works until 11,12am sometimes even later,everywhere I wana go anywhere with her must bring her mum...she is a good daughter,mother just dun spent time with me..

I really cant take it anymore..i want a divorce,any advice?

[MatthewC]

why did you marry her in the first place... that will shed some light on the situation...

[ktghh11]

Bro I understand your suitation. She treat u like shit why she dont divorce with u or leave u?
Anyway life is short not happy just find a new life..me too I left now a happy man..

[Kobe83]

Bottom line is whether u love her?

[Johnbass]

If she doesn't spend time with u... Means you can spend time jiak outside and remain status quo?
Then no need divorce liao lor.

If divorced... Will you be happier?
Esp since child so big liao.

Good luck.

[sammygirlgirl]

Originally Posted by MatthewC

why did you marry her in the first place... that will shed some light on the situation...

Initially we dating for 4 years,also she initiatw break than patch until dun know how many times,maybe she my first gf so cannot bear to let her go.thats why keep patching when she say. After 4 yrars,her mother kana stroke so we need find a house and marry so that we can employ a maid to look after her.she also promise spend time with me..

[maxsee]

That is what happen when you sign on the dotted line...if you have not sign on the dotted line and just maintain a relationship. You would have been in control of the whole situation...

[sammygirlgirl]

Originally Posted by maxsee

That is what happen when you sign on the dotted line...if you have not sign on the dotted line and just maintain a relationship. You would have been in control of the whole situation...

Ya,never think so much,just think that she promise spend time with me,we dated 4 years getting married sld be ok..i am a simple guy that just want my wife to spend time with me..she is a good girl just that cant give me the attention I want from her

[~|@|~]

i would ask you to consider your daughter's future and not think about yourself only. there are other ways to seek happiness outside of this relationship without getting a divorce. just food for thought.

[Greendevil]

it is unfortunate that in your case, when u marry your wife, you also married the whole family. on a personal note, i will tell you to divorce since it seen like you are treated like a maid/slave than a husband. however, this is just based on information we have from the surface of your problem as no one know better than you.

moving onwards, we all know it hard to teach a old horse new trick needless to say in your case since you have been there, done it. So the question lays for you is this:

1. are you prepare to live the remaining 20-30 40 or eve 50 years of your life in this manner?

Yes? have a strong reason for it. dont do it because of first love cos it will accumulate more sad memory than good one if this is the only driving force. some ppl do it for kids, some put up because of money, some do it because they don want to upset their own parent and etc. what your reason? there is no wrong in any reason you choose. other can say all they want, but that may be the very reason you cherish most in life.

No? than moved on. Plan your divorce. but the path to divorce is a rocky path. there will be problem before it start, during the process and since there a Woman Act, no Man Act in SG, so there is also the aftermath. i have posted a few posts before on prep on divorce as well. you can check it out. dont wait till she has squeeze every single drop of goodness in you than you choose to go. if you choose to divorce, do it while there are still some positive light left in you

[Ken79]

TS bro, to see how much she really bothers about u just give her the same treatment, she wanna kick up a fuss go find counselor, complain to all her relatives/friends, threaten a divorce; ask her to go ahead...

one reason she treats u like trash is becos she knows u will always be there, in chinese saying its called 打不跑的狗 not implying otherwise but just an inappropriate example, this kinda of situation can happen to both genders.

until she start to realize that u started going out, staying out late, cant be so bothered with her and the realization of you having another woman outside, has a change of heart (u can go ahead and find FLs, flings or just meet frens) and maybe wants a divorce she will change her attitude towards u 180 degrees, if she dont then a real divorce should be it.

[sammygirlgirl]

Originally Posted by Ken79

TS bro, to see how much she really bothers about u just give her the same treatment, she wanna kick up a fuss go find counselor, complain to all her relatives/friends, threaten a divorce; ask her to go ahead...

one reason she treats u like trash is becos she knows u will always be there, in chinese saying its called 打不跑的狗 not implying otherwise but just an inappropriate example, this kinda of situation can happen to both genders.

until she start to realize that u started going out, staying out late, cant be so bothered with her and the realization of you having another woman outside, has a change of heart (u can go ahead and find FLs, flings or just meet frens) and maybe wants a divorce she will change her attitude towards u 180 degrees, if she dont then a real divorce should be it.

Bro,last year my cousin in ite and his classmAte approach her for help, she cant get a day that she can teach my cousin n his classmate.she ask me to teach,i didnt want to but she insist so I went.

First day was ok, second day and third day, my cousin last minute call me saying he cannot make it,since the girl was there I carry on teaching her. Third day she call me I think I didn't hear the phone ring so didn't answer.she was so angry when I went home ,quarreling with me that I sld have cancel the tuition when my cousin cant make it.i say its quite unreasonable to cancel when she is already there.on 4day of quarrel she initiate a divorce.she say she cant trust me and I m very dirty.i was very angry,i was teaching at mac donald a open public place amd she wss ghe one who ask me to teach.

She told our church marriage counseling and both if us are being counsel.she say she wana try one last time,promising to spend every fri sat and sun alone with me.i agree,after two months,things went back to normal...meaning she is her old self again...

[NRider]

Hi TS from what you have shared, looks like your next half didn't keep her words though ..

But like Samster @ whom wrote earlier, I quote "i would ask you to consider your daughter's future and not think about yourself only. there are other ways to seek happiness outside of this relationship without getting a divorce. just food for thought." to enjoy the best of both world ?

[steelhorn]

Bro, during your courtship period, u guys didn't engage any intercourse sessions at all? Only after marriage then u realized she's so 'unlike' to make love? Walau eh..if is true, I salute to both of you.

[sammygirlgirl]

We only did once,which result in my daughter..if it was just sex alone,i mught be able settle like maybe using the fly ..main problem is she dun spend time with me and dun discuss issues with me